Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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I am working on detaching

radrm
radrm
I recently (3 weeks ago) ended a bad relationship and I am working on detaching. I think about practicing self care and I do little things that I like like go for a swim, cook, draw, learn to play my clarinet, and I am just wondering what else I can try to start living my life again. I think it is coming slowly but I just want to be successful this time (he left me 100 times and I kept taking him back) and I need complete emotional detachment. I need to quit thinking I need him for something. I do not want to be a victim anymore or play that role I just want to change what I do. I worry that if I ever do find someone later am I going to be capable of having a good relationship? All my relationships have been emotionally and physically abusive and I don't want that anymore. I am open to suggestions on things that may help me. I am reading books on codependency and the Coda Blue book, have a spiritual life etc... I have loneliness issues and feelings of emptiness.
Ty for reading my share!
purpleheart7
purpleheart7
Well big congrats on ending the relationship, you've made the biggest step to reclaiming you happiness. You sound like you are on the right path, just continue to do the things you love and build up your sense of self, rediscover the things you love to do. It's hard being on your own and that's why us Codependants get so attached to people, to fill that lonely void. I think the key is to get happy with yourself, comfortable with who you are, and then you don't need someone else to complete you. When you are confident enough in yourself then the next time you let someone in, you won't let them overtake who you are. Just stay strong, value your recovery more than anything right now, keep reading the books. Maybe try therapy? But I'm sure you will be more than capable of a healthy, functional relationship, now you have found the inner strength to walk away from what is not right for you. All the best.
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
Why is it that you are attracted to men who are abusive? Is it because it feels like "home" to you?

What happened to you to make you gravitate to this type of guy? Why is it the best you think you deserve?

It's all about self esteem and our parents are the ones to place that first seed.

I always go back to family of origin to try to re-fashion myself.

Hugs and congrats on finally standing up for something better in your life!
thegobetween
thegobetween
It's such a big thing that you've done and it's now important to stay strong!
I ended a big relationship that was bad and needed a lot of will power to keep it finished. I read lots of good books on codependency and it changed my life. I joined new all female groups:rowing, running, yoga and some social groups. I think it's best not to rush these and some will work and some won't! I also had therapy. I started dating and realised I had fallen into the same old pattern again so I took two years out of dating to really learn about 'me'. Two years sounds like a long time but it flew by and I can't believe how strong I feel now. I've been with my new partner 1 and a half years and it's the best relationship I've ever been in with a man.
I want to wish you lots of luck.
thegobetween
thegobetween
I think it's also worth saying that I had to lose a lot of friends and for a while that was lonely but then I made new healthy friends. Xxx
ef1982
ef1982
Gobetween...Thank you for the hopeful email. I too am in a relationship with an addict. my codependency has a grip on me. It's wonderful to hear that someone can actually heal and grow from this. It feels hopeless at times. A lot of times. Thank you for sharing.