Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have to keep this short and go to sleep, I'm feeling on the edge of a codependent meltdown. I've been doind really well for myself the past several months. As a sympotom of codependence I was homeless for a long time and the past few years I have been working my way up the self care ladder. The past several months I have been doing really well. It's the doing well that is almost the scariest, because retrospectively I can see where I have been, where I could be. I get scared of going back. I get terrified that I'm dying of codependence sometimes. Most of the time I hate myself for being codependent, for being disloyal to myself, for putting the needs and wants of others before myself. But the past several months I have been doing really well. I've been learning about boundaries, I've been listening to a lot of audio books (Melody Beattie's The New Codependence currently, it's very insightful), I'm working on a routine, eating regular meals, doing regular laundry, working jobs I love, playing roller derby, working on starting a business, going to school. Really good self care stuff. I'm proud of me and feel like I am making great progress.
But, my boyfriend and I broke up recently. Honestly, in terms of breakups it was really good, really smooth. I still have parts of hurt I need to work through. But i'm ok with; which i'm also proud of myself for because it is progress for me.
I'm scared of being alone though. I don't know how. I have a relationship option with an ex that I really don't want and I'm worried that I'll end up in it just not to be alone. I'm worried I'll be unhappy being alone. I'm worried that I can't be single. Because truth be told, I never have been, but I know that right now I want to be single. It's just, the fear of being alone has always one and I want to do things differently. I want to live for myself for a while, for I am whole as I am. I know this, but I want to feel it. I want to carry this knowledge with me wherever I go. I'm just not quite sure how.
Your story is really interesting and I think that you are very strong. It's not easy to admit those things and I am sure you've come a long way. I understand your thought about returning with your ex, so that you won't be alone-I too have an on and off ex like this, but my problem is that I like him a lot-but I think you have to fight it, in order to take another step ahead. I totally get that it's hard, but returning with him will only make you feel "relief"for a second, but worse eventually..keep strong :)
I'm realizing that in order to work towards healthy relationships I need to make lifestyle changes and above all start loving myself with the same intensity I have previously, for whatever reason, reserved for others. Learning how to do that is hard.