Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I look in the mirror and see a desperate fool. Desperate to keep a man, that is an addict, and a narcissist and a man that just doesn't want me in his life or he could care less one way or another.
I go to a level where I hate myself more and more. I know I'm in a bad place and I know that it is NEVER EVER EVER going to change. He is never going to change.
Yet I can't get myself to just end it. I hold on like I'm going to drown, and the truth is, he's a shitty father and a shitty husband and a shitty person. He doesn't actually do anything other than breath. He doesn't live with me, I can/do support myself and I have friends and family that help me with my daughter and I go to school and work and have a social life.
I know why I am where I am and I know what needs to be done, I just have no idea why I don't go there. He cheats on me all the time. Our marriage certificate means nothing, it's just a piece of paper, hasn't kept him faithful, hasn't made him a provider, hasn't made him a good father.
I know this about him, I know he's is who he is, I know that I can't change him and I know that I won't ever change him, so why does this still suck so damn bad?
I go to a level where I hate myself more and more. I know I'm in a bad place and I know that it is NEVER EVER EVER going to change. He is never going to change.
Yet I can't get myself to just end it. I hold on like I'm going to drown, and the truth is, he's a shitty father and a shitty husband and a shitty person. He doesn't actually do anything other than breath. He doesn't live with me, I can/do support myself and I have friends and family that help me with my daughter and I go to school and work and have a social life.
I know why I am where I am and I know what needs to be done, I just have no idea why I don't go there. He cheats on me all the time. Our marriage certificate means nothing, it's just a piece of paper, hasn't kept him faithful, hasn't made him a provider, hasn't made him a good father.
I know this about him, I know he's is who he is, I know that I can't change him and I know that I won't ever change him, so why does this still suck so damn bad?
I can relate. I've stayed with my husband (addict, manipulative, refuses to work, calls himself a stay-at-home Dad but leaves me to do all of the parenting work) for 30 years. I have abandonment issues from my childhood and when reading your post I wondered if you have a similar history.
If you're into reading/learning, I'd suggest reading "In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" by Dr. George K. Simon. In it, he explains why the victims of manipulators stay. He uses a slot machine analogy to demonstrate that we have a hard time walking away from the 'investment' we've made in this person and in our relationship with them.
The book has a lot of other good stuff - which has helped me begin to employ Melanie Beattie's 'detachment' from her book Codenpendent No More.
He's not worth it, and you know it!