Four years is a long time. How long has it been since she left? You're going to have to go thru a grieving process. Emotional pain is real...and it can cause physical pain.

I'm sorry you're going thru this. Sending you light and love!

Thank you Lavender 80. She left on Nov. 23. So it's still fresh, I feel so alone in the house now and this loneliness is affecting my mind and body. I have headaches and my body physically hurts when I think about her and I know she is not in the house. I just want the pain and misery to stop. If you have ideas would you please share them. Thanks chuck

I had to grieve and detach. There is a
Great write up on detaching a few Posts
Down.

I had to fix me to get over my ex and
Yes it is a lot of hard work if you are a
Codependent, Hugs and welcome

Hello, welcome to the group. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I totally believe it, as a few months ago I had the wind knocked out of me by how much pain I was in due to the state of my relationship. I had no idea relationships could hurt a person that badly. The pain and misery is unbelievable and I'm so sorry you're going through it. I remember also thinking, "I just want this pain to stop already. It's agony." It took time, but it did get better. Journaling really helps. If you're not journaling, I highly suggest that. I write and draw in mine, and expressing my pain REALLY helps.

Get a lot of support. This group is fantastic. There's also CODA and alanon that can help. Reach out to any friends you have. If I could afford therapy, I'd go as I hear it's really useful so if you can afford it, that could help. If you have any spiritual bent in you, look into spirituality. I poo-pooed spirituality, but man, when I felt like my heart was being shredded to pieces, listening to hymns and spiritual songs was unbelievably comforting. I clung to these things that I normally mocked because they helped so much when I was in pain.

Another thing that helped me was looking up stoic philosophy and buddhist philosophy about letting go. Here's a couple of stoic philosophy that helped:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-MNYzRg2h8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ur8oUrn4Og

I like this guy's videos in general. Philosophy is fascinating, and looking into it like a big academic research paper took my mind off the relationship and gave it something else to stimulate it. As painful as it is let go, there's also something stimulating and life-affirming about working on healing yourself. Maybe in losing this person, you'll find someone even more valuable and amazing, and that's you yourself. All the love and light as you walk this path of healing.

I was dumped by my wife after a 24 year marriage and being alone for the first time in my life, terrified me me! But....I am a believer that good things come out of bad situations and it gave me the opportunity to go inward and to work on myself.

I had a passion for music and I developed that extensively. I learned to meditate and I have some beautiful experiences while meditating.... I had awakened....learning to look at the bigger picture knowing that there is alot more going on around me then what I can see.. Every new day became a new adventure in Love.!

God Bless

Be open to your feelings, examine your feelings. This may be very hard if one was raised to not have feelings. Get a spiral notebook and every evening write in it. Journaling what you feel and your thoughts. Maybe even 3 things you are grateful for that particular day. I suggest hand writing because it switches off a part of the brain that may be ruminating and going into overdrive of grief. Get some exercise, maybe a walk every morning early or after work. It is hard work to heal ourselves but worth it in the long run if we want to be improved people who attract better into our lives.