Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
HELLO TO THE GROUP. THE ALL CAP'S IS SO I CAN READ THIS, BAD EYES. OK HERE WE GO. I HAVE MANY MENTAL ISSUES, BUT THAT IS NOT WHY I AM HERE. IT IS ME AND MY YOUNGEST SON. HE IS 31 YRS OLD AND STILL LIVES W/ ME. NO JOB, JUST STOPPED DRINKING, BAD PROBLEM. THIS IS REALLY HARD TO SAY, BUT I DON'T HOLD BACK ON D.S. I FEEL SAFE HERE. OK HE TRIED THE NAVY, DIDN'T MAKE IT THREW BOOT CAMP. SO HE FINISHED COLLEGE, YAY. BUT THEN NOTHING. I FAILED TO MENTION THAT HIS TEETH ARE SOOOO BAD AND HE HAS NO MONEY TO GET THEM FIXED, IT IS SOOO BAD, CAN'T GET HELP IN THIS STATE AT ALL. SO MY QUESTION IS WELL, I WAS A SINGLE MOM OF 2 BOYS, ALWAYS HAD TO WORK AND DO EVERYTHING, SO IT WAS EASIER FOR ME TO JUST DO EVERYTHING FOR MY KIDS INSTEAD OF WAITING ON THEM. I MADE MANY MANY MISTAKES RAISING THEM. OLDEST SON IS VERY BIG AT LEAST 500 LB'S, AND MY YOUNGEST IS SO MESSED UP IN THE HEAD AND HAS NOTHING ON THE HORIZON, I I JUST KEEP PUTTING UP WITH IT AND MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM AND KINDA NO REALLY TREATING HIM LIKE THE CHILD HE ACT'S LIKE WHICH I ALWAYS THINK AND KNOW ITS MY FAULT FOR NOT SHOWING HIM THINGS AND MAKING HIM DO THINGS, INCLUDING RESPECTING ME, NOT. I HAD MY FIRST AT 15 IN 1976, UNHEARD OF, THEN MY MOM WAS KILLED BY DRUNK DRIVER, SO I WAS REALLY ON MY OWN, AND THERE IS NO MANUAL FOR KID'S. SO MY QUESTION FINALLY IS AM I AT THE RIGHT SITE? THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ANY INPUT OR IF ANYONE KNOW'S WERE I SHOULD BE IF NOT HERE. I AM AT MY WIT'S END AND WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME. AND I FEEL SO GUILTY ALL THE TIME. THANKS AGAIN AT LEAST FOR LISTENING....... NEED HELP.
It seems to me that codependency and enabling can be related. Maybe they do not always go hand-in-hand, but they have some codependent behaviors are enabling behaviors.
If you are just getting to know about codependency, it may help you to read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie or "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody. Those books can give you a better sense of what it is. (side note: apparently there is some sort of correlation between codependency and people named Melody).
Along with this group, you might also find it useful to have a look at the Families & Friends of Addicts group here on DS, read through some posts there and see if you can find some answers there too. You might find something helpful there as well? I think you will find some people there who are in very similar situations to you and it is always helpful to hear how other people deal with a situation, maybe get some places to start.
I hope you find some help and comfort in reading posts and reaching out. It is tough stuff but we can learn about things like boundaries and healthy relationships and codependency and we can start to make some good changes in our lives. Good luck to you and take care of yourself :)