Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am becoming more and more depress every single day of my life. I have 3 wonderful kids who I should stay my focus on but because of my bad situation with my husband for the past few years I Know i haven't even been there for the kids instead.
My husband have drugs and gambling problem. I follow him around making sure to clean up the mess he is creating but instead of helping him he makes me feel that I am making the situation worst.
I have posted here in the past. and I'm afraid my situation hasn't change if not has gotten worst.
Right now I'm torn walking away or try harder. All the people around me have adviced for me to just leave and let go, and I too can see how that would be what would be best for me but I can't seem to do that because stupid love lingers in me.
I feel like I always have to babysit him because he keeps causing trouble. And I', so worried about what would happen to him. He doesn't have any family around just me and our kids. but in the past years he have met a lot of new people I don't even know. These are bad people who do drugs and gamble, and lately he has been disappearing a lot. Forgetting to pick up the kids from school, turning off cellphone and not coming home for days. I turn on LOCATE PHONE on his iphone so I can track him down. I kept following him around knocking on the places he goes to and dragging him home and makng sure he makes it to work. and then the next day he is there again doing the same exact thing. Whenever I would leave him alone for a day, something bad/worst happens... including getting arrested, not reporting to work and now, not picking up the kids from school.
everything is just bad but I can't seem to let go, and i dont know why. I am so hurt and angry but all i find myself doing is follow him around making him come out where is at and taking him where he should be. HE now can't seem to do what he supposed to do, everytime i stay away he is back at the drug/gambling house he spends all his time to. I am trying to cover him up from my family and friends as they dont see us together anymore. there are few people i vent to daily but i know they are getting tired of my stories because i would be mad but when my husband comes home its like nothing happen and i look stupid to them.
BUT what am i supposed to do. I don't want to keep chasing him, i would want to let go but why am i going after where he is at in the middle of the night just to make sure he is safe. i'm too depress that i sometimes feel i am better off dead so i dont have to go through this or to feel all the pain i am feeling. how do i save myself from more headache???? please help me.
My husband have drugs and gambling problem. I follow him around making sure to clean up the mess he is creating but instead of helping him he makes me feel that I am making the situation worst.
I have posted here in the past. and I'm afraid my situation hasn't change if not has gotten worst.
Right now I'm torn walking away or try harder. All the people around me have adviced for me to just leave and let go, and I too can see how that would be what would be best for me but I can't seem to do that because stupid love lingers in me.
I feel like I always have to babysit him because he keeps causing trouble. And I', so worried about what would happen to him. He doesn't have any family around just me and our kids. but in the past years he have met a lot of new people I don't even know. These are bad people who do drugs and gamble, and lately he has been disappearing a lot. Forgetting to pick up the kids from school, turning off cellphone and not coming home for days. I turn on LOCATE PHONE on his iphone so I can track him down. I kept following him around knocking on the places he goes to and dragging him home and makng sure he makes it to work. and then the next day he is there again doing the same exact thing. Whenever I would leave him alone for a day, something bad/worst happens... including getting arrested, not reporting to work and now, not picking up the kids from school.
everything is just bad but I can't seem to let go, and i dont know why. I am so hurt and angry but all i find myself doing is follow him around making him come out where is at and taking him where he should be. HE now can't seem to do what he supposed to do, everytime i stay away he is back at the drug/gambling house he spends all his time to. I am trying to cover him up from my family and friends as they dont see us together anymore. there are few people i vent to daily but i know they are getting tired of my stories because i would be mad but when my husband comes home its like nothing happen and i look stupid to them.
BUT what am i supposed to do. I don't want to keep chasing him, i would want to let go but why am i going after where he is at in the middle of the night just to make sure he is safe. i'm too depress that i sometimes feel i am better off dead so i dont have to go through this or to feel all the pain i am feeling. how do i save myself from more headache???? please help me.
The problem is that you do not have boundaries on your self, and it is a big part of codependency.
In the old days we called it = "Put your foot down" = and that really means to put your foot down for your self as in create the boundary for your self.
Of course it looks and feels as if you need to put the foot down on him and put boundaries on him and get him to act right - and all of that is the controlling mentality which is another big part of codependency.
His life is not your life.
The problem with leaving / separating / getting divorce is that it will not end your codependency, and the mental problem (the codependency) is inside of your self and only in your self, and so you need to make the hard decisions for your self, and you need to start being a real parent and make the decision for your family and for your children.
No one else can really tell you what to do, because it is your own life and it is up to your self to now act like an independent adult.
To commit suicide is NOT making a decision, because suicide is an escape away from you creating your own personal boundary by not making an adult decision for your self.
You do not necessarily have to leave or move out as you could just kick him out - and there are other options too.
No one can really take control of you and tell you what you are supposed to do or what you should do - as this is your own decision and your own life to start living it.
This is my opinion based on my own life experience, and so take it or leave it and I wish you well.
And do please get some professional help. You are feeling suicidal over this. Can you really imagine leaving your children behind with him? Stay strong.
I know that feeling of uselessness and wanting to end it. It scared me so much to feel so much pain that I went to see a therapist and she said I was depressed. And now I am taking small steps in dealing with it.
Thank you for your honesty.