I have written before about my codependant friendship with my best friend. It wasn't unitl I went to see my current therapist about two years ago that I realised how bad things were when she told me if I was a minor she would have to report this to social services becuase I was being emotionally abused. It probably sounds strange to be so controlled by a friend, there are various reasons as to why this situation has got to this point, me losing my mum about five years ago probably being a very significant one. It has felt for I don't know how long that my friend has almost total control over me. I've had it said to me in this forum before that someone can only be controlled if they allow it, and yes, I fully understand that, but her way of being able to argue with me, her abolsute certainty in herself that she is right and her way of being able to emotionally manipulate me has left me feeling powerless against her. I could write for hours about how this situation developed and the way things are between us, but the long and short of it is, I have tried again today to get away. My friend has been saying for weeks she is not happy with me, if I do not change she will not be my friend, and when I cannot change the way I am, I get an ear bashing or angry text messages. I had therapy today and when I read my therapist some of the messages she very strongly voiced that I need to get out. So I am ashamed to say I have taken the cowardly route, text her basically saying I can't do this any more, we are both destroying each other, and switched my phone off. I cannot face seeing or speaking to her becuase I know how she can talk me round. This is not the first time I have tried to do this. The last time I sent a similar message and she was so worried about me, she bombarded me with messages, even got her mum to text me, and made me promise her I would go for a drive with her where of course she talked me round, and made me believe I was just having a mental episode. Today has been similar, my boss (who I live with) came home for lunch and told me she had called the work phone becuase she was worried about me, as my phone is off she has no other way to contact me. I do feel bad if she is geuniely worried, she has anxiety and maybe she started thinking I wanted to top myself as she knows I have been suicidal in the past.So I turned my phone back on, text her and said that I am fine and she doesnt need to worry, and turned my phone back off. I know I am being a coward, but if I am honest, I am terrified of her. The last time I did this she told me if I hadn't responded se was going to turn up at my work when I finished, and I am worried she is going to do that now. I just have this very strong feeling that she will not let me go, that she is going to come after me. I really urgently need some advise on where to go from here...My brother lives far away and I am going to visit him for Christmas, and I am considering asking to move up there with him just to get away becuase then she really can't get to me. It is the next few days I am scared off, if she turns up at my work, if I turn on my phone and she draws me into conversation, I just know that will be it, she will regain control.
The subject today was fearlessnessat my alanon home group.
Husband of 7 yrs. moved me and our 2 kids from everything and everyone I know to NYC (where he's from). 1 month after we moved, I found out about his affairs w/ exes, coworkers and ontop of that he was dating someone way younger. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have had the money to move back home, or money to get an appt. car...Everything of his, I bought. He made more money than me but, he was...