It strikes me that one difficulty that co-dependents face is the ability to trust one's own judgement. You've spent such a long time with other people telling you what to say, do, think. You may have faced criticism about every aspect of who you are, lost who you are, find yourself reacting violently as you're breaking free.

At the moment I'm figuring out whether I'm acting or feeling in 'appropriate' ways. One thing I would say is that I've realised that whether or not feelings are 'appropriate' no longer matters.If you have a feeling it deserves to be honoured inside of you no matter how extreme or violent it feels in the moment. In terms of acting in appropriate ways, I am not entirely sure of the answer to this one yet but it depends on context. I try and look to positive role models, people who are independent, with good boundaries who respect the beliefs and feelings of others. When I'm emotionally invested in someone and want to react violently, I ask myself if I feel this way because of the person it is or if the thing in itself would trouble me no matter who it was.

I'm learning to trust my feelings and that whatever comes up is really okay. It's still the actions I don't quite trust yet. If I'm not sure if I'm reacting to a situation I tend to do nothing, but inactivity in itself, sometimes feels like a form of reaction.