Hi, I guess I am confused. On the codependency site alone, there have been 76 posts in which you responded or someone responded to you on the issue of pain, grieving, codependency or a related issue.

Such an open-ended question, leaves me with confusion when so many people have responded to similar questions that you have raised..

I am trying to be supportive and loving to you, but I wonder how many of the suggestions have you started to implement? I don't want to keep sounding like a broken record, and don't want to repeat anything I or others have said to you in love, patience and understanding.

That said, hurt is healed through all the ways that people have already shared with you: counseling, grief recovery work, joining a 12-step program, sharing feelings and thoughts with a support group, reading uplifting literature, getting involved in the parts of life that bring joy and contentment, studying about codependence and getting help from those who are enjoying recovery from it, taking it one day at a time with the help of those who have lost and recovered from it.

I look at healing pain the same way I see healing from open heart surgery. Following a recommended regimen for recovery, rest, patience, starting out slowly, not expecting recovery to happen overnight, doing things that help the healing process, minimizing stress, not using short term relief to deny the pain, looking at it, changing a lifestyle.....its the same process.

Hugs to you..

Sorry for asking the question, Grace. I am having a challenging day and would appreciate some words of wisdom. I have implemented many suggestions, but you should know as a recovering codependent, that you have good days and bad days. I just needed a little reassurance, support and some new insights.

Next time, I'll just search the site instead of asking the question.

I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I think some people treat this as a journal or chat room, instead of a support site, that's all. I hope you continue to ask your questions, but maybe combine them with a real life example, that you can get solid feedback on in a direct way that will be of more help.

I am a little cross today myself, and maybe answered a little more shortly than I would have otherwise. Hugs to you.

I do know that like you said, my recovery is not linear. Somedays I act more "recovered" than others, and I think pain and healing is the same way. Some days the pain is greater than others and we lose sight of just how much healing we have done. Love to you, sweetie, keep coming back, as they say!!!

Mag,
You don't make it go away. You don't walk around it. You walk through it. Going through is the only way to the other side and there is sunshine, joy, laughter, and freedom from pain on the other side. Keep moving. One day at a time. Cry, scream, overindulge in chocolate, do what ever you have to do, but keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I remember the pain. It feels terrible. Notice I said I remember it, past tense. Yours will go away. It will. Peace will come. Have faith. Keep reading helpful books. Keep praying, meditating, or reflecting. Don't give up on yoursefl. Stop listening to that helpless voice inside you and watch what you are doing. You are surviving. Keep it up.

KB

For me, directing it into something, like a movie, works wonders. I just watched Mel Gibson's Braveheart last night, and what a powerful experience. There certainly is a lot of pain his character endures in that movie, and experiencing the pain with him is somehow cathartically soothing.

Cinema therapy works wonders for me. Transmutes the pain into art!

I sure like koolmans advice,,redirecting your thoughts,,doing something you enjoy and try not thinking about the hurt.Easier said than done but keeping the mind busy with something else will help.Pain is all in your mind.My prayers are with you! by the way I am new to this site and sure have read some great advice by alot of nice people,,thanks

It's funny. I took on a journalism internship. I am definitely very stressed...very stressed. But as a result, my codependent sensations (the pain and longing for someone to fill a painful hole deep within my being) haven't bothered me as much this week. I am the kind of person that always has something stressin' me out. So...I guess my new project distracts me. Thank the Lord. Every day is different. And the truth is I am never able to predict how I am going to feel from one - day to the next. When I do have those painful feelings though I watch my fav tv shows and read self-help books and I write in my journal here on DS. I agree with Grace in that perhaps the next time you feel bad explain the situation to us - most of the time when you see your thoughts written out before you...that is help in itself. We are here for you. "The darkest hour has only sixty minutes. ~Morris Mandel"