Hi KellyJo, and I love your name.

My own understanding is that boundaries are fun and interesting, so I find a boundary to be rather easy to decide, but that is only true now because in my younger days I had no boundaries and or dysfunctional boundaries.

This link here is a little long but I like it about boundaries:
https://independentfew.wordpress.com/2015/02/03/boundaries-walls-and-denial/

Most likely (I guess) the reason you are having a hard time deciding is because you are thinking too far ahead, as in thinking of however to enforce the boundary? and what happens if the other people violate the boundaries? and that kind of thinking can drive a person crazy instead of enjoying the process.

A book about healthy boundaries based on Christian principles is here:
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454
And this book is free to see at the Libraries.

Peace.

Thank you Booky. I will check into both of these. Maybe I am thinking and working to quickly. I have free time on my hands on the weekends. It has been easier to isolate while working through this. I'm doing things I enjoy too but not outside of home that much. Starting to get out happens tomorrow at my first Celebrate Recovery meeting. For the last three months it's been work church and home enjoying my dog.

Boundaries are a little tricky if you don't already implement them in your life. I went years without certain boundaries, feeling like I had to say yes to everyone and that I couldn't speak up for myself and say no when needed. The other part of that is that I did have some boundaries, but very rigid ones, that kept people at arms length and wouldn't let them get too close. Things were very black and white with me, no grey area. I seemed to attract people who would use and abuse me, and I didn't know how to stand up for myself, tell them no, and speak up when they were crossing the line with me. I felt like a victim all the time and at the mercy of their moods.

Then I started therapy, reading books and working on myself. I've made a lot of progress with setting boundaries and feeling comfortable with boundaries, more so than I used to be. I used to not really understand boundaries, but once you learn about them, work on yourself and use/stick with these boundaries, you get more comfortable to the point where it's a natural thing in your life.

Check out the Boundaries/Boundaries workbook. They go hand in hand, and the workbook really gets you thinking about where you need to set boundaries. It taught me a lot and I think you would benefit from it too. :)

At a Celebrate Recovery meeting last night, it occurred to why I am trying to even set boundaries at this point. I have a feeling that the boyfriend will eventually contact me. My first instinct was to ignore him but that won't make me happy either. My second plan was to feed him with a long handled spoon as my grandmother called it. I do love him and have many regrets that it didn't work out. However with that said, I don't want to keep going in circles with him either.