At a very young age I started feeling I needed to put everyone else before me.I grew up with an alcoholic mother and loss my Dad at the age of nine when him and two other men got into a fight in a bar after way to much to drink and the two other men ended up killing my dad.My dad had been my rock and I was devastated over his death.I was named after my dad.I am Jerrie and I am 43 yrs old and live in Missouri.I am the youngest child in my family.Before my dad was killed I was being abused and this went on until I begged my mollestor to stop.Not sure why it worked this time asking him to stop but it did.My family is maniplutive.They loved using me as a punching bag someone to scream at or to blame for what ever.If I cried I was told to quit being a baby.My codependent issues began at a young age,With losing my dad at such a young age and my mother still going to bars and drinking even the one my dad was killed in I lived in fear of losing her the same way.Even though she was mean and hateful I still tried to cling to my mom.When I cried it was look what your doing to your mom your upsetting her.So I basically shut down and put my life on hold to take care of my mom.My mom quit drinking over a year ago she is not quite as mean but still seems to beat me down with her words every chance she gets.How do I stop this.I live in the same small community as she does.And now I am in a relationship were I feel I need my partners attention all the time and get jealous of everyone it seems.But then I want time to myself it seems and push my partner away.I dont like for anyone to be mad or upset with me and go out of my way to not upset anyone even to the point of making myself sad and feel unwanted.I know I need help but don't even know where to start this has been going on for so long.