you know taking care of you is spending time with yourself and with family and friends...there is nothing wrong with that at all

what i struggle with is knowing if i have isolated myself too much or have picked the wrong people for friends...ones who want you around only when they need someone and if you have a problem dont wish to disucess it or if i find they listen...i overburden them and push them away..it's something i'm still teasing out...me them or both

what i do know is that total isolation is crap; your human and a social creature and designed that way and we all also need time to regroup and be alone ....so both are normal and acceptable if we allow ourselves the permission to do so freely without judgement or guilt

i get the guilt thing you talk about...we who try to "fix" others also try hard as heck to fix ourselves and be perfect..we're not and no one is and perfect is boring anyways

loving yourself first inside and hugging yourself inside is a good place to start with the lonlies then call up old friends or visit someone who is lonely and appreciates company like you do and find your new soulmate

just keep a balance...that is all recovery truly means anyways

Yeah, I can relate. I wrote about this a week or two back ("Lonliness" thread). The most difficult thing I've had to deal with post-breakup is learning to live with myself, after a lifetime of having others around me 24X7.

I'm getting a bit better at it. Last night, I went to an event where I didn't know anyone. And it didn't matter to me. I met a couple of people, had some fun, and went back and slept in my own bed, by myself.

I guess that's progress? Yes, it is progress, dammit.

I agree, living completely alone and in a vacuum is not the way human beings are designed. But sometimes we need to go off into nature, to "find ourselves" so to speak. Or, put another way, find God.

Too often, the clutter and cares of this material world confuse and convolute some deeper meaning we're all looking for. Sometimes we need to tune out the material world and go somewhere natural, natural surroundings, very relaxing, soothing, just listen to birds chirp and the wind blow.

If that's what you're looking for, do it! Then you'll come back to the clutter refreshed and with a new sense of vigor and verve!

If i've understood you correctly Mag33, you're certainly keeping yourself occupied and interacting with others in terms of supervising students and doing graduate research. Taking the time to work out and practice piano sounds like some great exercises in 'me'time, primarily hanging out with yourself, and very well done for taking such a courageous step.And considering this 'alone' time you're working on, I think it would be an excellent idea to make the time to see your friends and family. I understand that everybody has busy lives and it might take a bit of effort to match scheules match up but with a lttile preserverance and flexibility, it can it done. Also have a think about what other stuff you are willing to sacrifice in your life so you can have some friend and family time. You may not even have to give up other plans very often. Have a think about your priorities. Allow others to compromise too.

I agree on the exercise. It is very definitely "me" time, when we can simply engorge ourselves in the pleasure of our own sweat. I've deeply meditated while I'm huffing and puffing on the elliptical and pushing the weights. Almost to the point of falling asleep. Then I realize where I am and have to jar myself back into consciousness!

Also, a spa treatment once a week would do wonders. Y'know, manicure, pedicure, facial, massage, the whole nine yards.

As far as family, all you can do is take the first step, make the initial contact, and let them know you're available and want to hang out. If they say they'd like that too, set a date, a BBQ, brunch at the Olive Garden or something.