Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

3,331 Members
10,657 Posts
0 Online
Addiction & Recovery
/ Codependency Support Group

First post. Just joined

kellyjo15
kellyjo15
I have recently found that I am codependent. I try so hard with people it ends up running them away. I need help. The first relationship since a divorce 5 years ago has ended after 2.5 years. There have been so many lies I find that I no longer trust or believe in people. What is the first step to over come this?
Booky
Booky
Hi KJ, welcome here to this group.

What I say is that it is okay not to trust or believe other people.

The trick is to make our self as trustworthy and make our self as believable - do it by being true to our self and to others.

Being true to thy self is a lot harder then is commonly known.

I trust the plumber to do the plumbing, but I ask for the cost estimate up front.

Our trust must have such limitations, and those limits is what we call as boundaries.
http://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/serendipity/boundaries/

You are lucky to be working on codependency because when it is done correctly then this is a very empowering and enlightening process of recovery.
CoDaChrome
CoDaChrome
Well it sounds like you started the first step! By becoming aware and seeing that there is an issue is really the first step.......just imagine all the people out there who aren't even self aware enough to know they have an issue. So that in and of itself is a major BRAVO!

I think everyone starts with the books by Meleody Beattie "Co Dependent No More"....it really can help! Start there, keep posting, engaging in commentary, and take some deep breaths!

You are not alone...... :) Welcome aboard and get ready for the most wonderful and painful journey you have ever been on back to who you really are!!
kellyjo15
kellyjo15
Thanks to both of you. I never new what the problem was until I watched God is not Dead a week ago. I've never heard of the Cinderella complex. After "Googling" that topic it brought up so many resources I was overwhelmed. Once I read the symptoms and outcomes I realized that I fall into this category. This is exactly what is wrong with my relationships on every level and I need help and healing. I found this website yesterday I here I go... ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY. Even if it's the bottom step......
hplotrgot
hplotrgot
See I also have trust issues, but I always turned the opposite way. I am fiercely independent, to a fault. And am near incapable of letting anyone in, or really close. So seeing that you have had the capacity to let people in to the point of marriage and long-term relationships (from my purview) is a huge accomplishment in the codependent ring. Once you have that capacity you can learn to flex your boundaries to establish a more healthy relationship with other. ... I however am incapable of being with someone for a few months. When they want to get close I run, and run quickly. So I think that the trust you lost can be regained. You already have so many of the necessary building blocks.