I did actually date a sociopath. If you'd like to compare, I have a journal about it.

http://dailystrength.org/people/311125/journal/1273723

Mine stalked me for over a year and was arrested and sentenced to 5 years probation for it. He should be in prison, he's committed countless first degree felonies and even a couple federal offenses, was already a convicted felon and sex offender, but continues to avoid jail, so he thinks he's invincible.

I think for me, he said he understood, but he didn't. The act of talking and sharing for me helped me understand and feel understood.

Intimacy is such a hard thing for us to recognize - and in groups with people like us it is a good place to start.

Yes, my ex I believe was -is- a sociopath - I read some stuff on wikipedia on it and it screamed HIM, and helped me to not take him peronally

Two things come to mind. They make you feel special because it is a familiar feeling from your childhood. ... and/or
you do not have healthy boundaries in terms of how people are supposed to treat you.
Yes he could be a sociopath, but your volunteered. I am not saying that to be mean... I'm saying to point out the fact people treat you the way you let them.

sounds to me like pf123 is implying we deserve to be mistreated. why is that? because we trusted the wrong people so we deserve to be punished?

Psychopaths/Sociopaths are quite known for their charming behavior. Ted Bundy is a famous case of this. The reason he got so many women to just get in his car was because of his charm. Even while on trial for murder, he had a gf that wanted to marry him. He was so charming and so manipulative, that even the judge felt bad about having to send him to jail, and told him he should be a lawyer. Don't ever blame yourself for ending up with a psychopath, it can happen to anyone. One in 25 men is a psychopath, they are all around us everyday. It takes awhile for it to start showing up, they are such pathological liars that it takes awhile for you to realize it's all nonsense and see who they really are.

I don't think PT meant to imply we deserve it, no one does. BUt we do let it happen. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 2 years. I looked at it as "well...yeah...she get's that I am fucked up tho! And if she doesn't judge me for being fucked up, why should I judge her for being fucked up in her way?" I didn't deserve it, but I let it happen.

Often times, the feelign of being understood and accepted for our faults and flaws overrides our better sense for many things. We see that understanding as maybe love or acceptance, and when we are telling ourselves that we don't deserve that, to recieve it feels so good we overlook things we shouldn't.

Just my thoughts.

Opps...forgot something. At some point in our healing, and it sounds like you are there, we realise we don't deserve it and stop letting peopel do it. And that is an incredibly empowering. We realise we DO have control over what is done to us and how other people treat us.

I thank everyone for their replies because each has a very good point which helps in my understanding. I know I had poor boundaries. Really I didn't even know what boundaries were. But I have done alot of reading and work on them.
PF123-I feel your comments were helpful and right on. I really like that word volunteer. Their was a point in time that I knew I needed to get out of the relationship and didn't. But I am a much stronger person now.

He probably was a sociopath or antisocial.