Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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supportAndPeacefulLiving 04/26/2018

My partner of 4 years isn't an every day drinker, but nearly every week she goes out and over does it and then drinks on the weekends. I am currently working and doing night school... when she goes out, it is always while I am gone. When I get home, it is quite clear she has been drinking-- slurred speech and at times staggering. It gets old. The worst is when I ask if she has been drinking, she lies. She continues to lie even though I tell her I know better. I have found where she will drink and hide her empty bottles too. I am very worried about her, but she has destroyed our trust and how I view my own personal worth and value. A couple of years ago, she began drinking too much and too frequently to deal with some life issues. Our relationship was being neglected because of it and I grew tired of her passing out, falling down, etc. I put up with it until I started having anxiety and felt there was no more I could do, as she chose to lie to me instead of having support. I left for 3 months. I came back after she told me she could go at her problems alone. I love her so much, so of course I returned. I told her I needed to establish boundaries and just couldn't go through her drinking alone anymore because I knew the outcome. Nothing has changed. I have left again. This is actually for the 3rd time... the 2nd was a few nights in a hotel. I am a mess when we are together because I feel so hurt by the lies and knowing I am not as important as her alcohol. I am devastated to be away from her as well... I know how beautiful of a human being she can be. I have fallen into depression and panic attacks... I feel I hafve stopped loving myself through the process of being lied to and trying to support her. When I have needed her and wanted her at important times in my life, I didn't always get her. What can I do, if anything at all? It hurts most when she tells me I am over reacting...

mirandac 04/26/2018

Personally I would go to alanon and
therapy to talk it all out.

We don't just find these people. We attract them and then bond to them.

We are often codependents and we often will find addicts, narcs and other emotionally unavailable people.
Hugs

supportAndPeacefulLiving 04/26/2018

I do plan to go to Alanon. I feel like I have turned into a ranting and raving lunatic at times. I never in my life have been the type to lose my cool... now when she lies, I feel like I am coming unglued. Being apart has helped me to feel safe, but I still have that constant fear that she is okay. I also fear she is still choosing alcohol... that my absence doesn't matter. I thought we would be together always. She wasn't this way in the beginning. Now I feel like a fool and an idiot...even though she says she loved me more than anything. It twists my mind and breaks my heart.

supportAndPeacefulLiving 04/26/2018

Thank you for your response, Mirandac. Hugs to you. I just needed someone to listen... today has been terribly difficult. Accepting reality is hard.

mirandac 04/26/2018

Accepting reality, in itself can be a
long hard road and journey.

I still struggle about my ex and i and
I Am 3 years divorced and no contact
And i Moved out of town.

Keep venting if you need to and do
See a therapist at a minimum if you
Can. Mine helped me a lot just not
Really with my codependency issues.

Those are tougher, deeper and harder
Issues to get at. Sharing at a group does
help Or at least listening. Often we hear
what We needed to hear that day at a
Meeting. I use to sit and cry a lot, HUGS

supportAndPeacefulLiving 04/26/2018

Stay strong... 3 years is something to be proud of. Every step forward is worth it.

mirandac 04/26/2018

Its my reality i still have a hard time with and
my Heart is not healed yet either. 30 years is a
Long time and it had seemed good for many
of Them. There were always issues though
and They ended up playing out, Hugs

ithoughtiknewmyself 05/04/2018

The people we are often magnetically attracted to are the ones that take advantage of our lost sense of sense and perpetuate it by invalidating your feelings and gaslighting you, leaving you more confused about your feelings. Remember, YOUR feelings are always valid, and they are just as important as anyone else’s. The darkest part of this disorder is that you really do lose yourself in supporting others and the realization that it all begins with a fragile sense of self. Every time you want to cave, tell yourself that your feelings are not overreactions, they are not to be erased, you owe it to yourself to live a life that makes you feel like a whole person, and it’s hard when you’ve lost that person over so many years. But I think you should feel proud of yourself today for confronting reality, give yourself a hug and forgive yourself. You aren’t alone.

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