Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
My ex, who is an addict & bipolar, contacted me again a couple months ago after almost a year of distance. This wasn't a big surprise. I had blocked him from my phone but the text-blocker didn't work. I was feeling really vulnerable at the time (he's got good timing) but I had also done a lot of work dealing with my codependency.
It turned out his boyfriend had beaten him up a month before & he told me he just needed my support. Since I still care about him, I went to see him but on the condition that there would be no substances around (boundaries). Of course he ended up doing a lot of drugs when I got to his place. I should have just left but he was in really bad shape. He offered me GHB (date-rape drug), which I refused. He then offered pot & alcohol, which I also refused. I never did any hard drugs with him but I used to drink with him & occasionally smoke pot while he did cocaine - it was all part of my enabling. Anyway, I stayed the night with him but we slept in separate beds. I then went home feeling grateful that I've come a long way in my recovery (though I know it's far from perfect).
He has since contacted me a few times wanting me to come over but I have refused, though I did think about it because he knows how pull my heart string. The last straw was when he texted me at 6 am with a long incoherent message. I knew right away that he had pulled an all-night binge & wanted me to come over & take care of him. The old me would have gone over right away & take care of him because it was a way to get close to him. But not this time. I simply turned off my phone.
Last week, he called me from a payphone with another long-winded message (thank god I didn't hear my cell ring when he called). He's convinced that his ex who beat him up is spying on him. He had moved but he swears his new place is bugged & both his phone & computer have been tampered with. His ex did hack into his account before but I have a feeling this is mostly drug paranoia. Of course I'm worried about him but I can't get a hold of him - I blocked him from facebook & his new phone # is not working.
Last night, a guy I was seeing just ended things & I'm feeling vulnerable again. Rejection sucks. There's a part of me that wants to contact my ex to make sure he's ok but I also know it will open a can of worms. He needs help but he's the only one that can do that. I know he's going to try to suck me in again. I'm holding strong so far but I'm scared the temptation would be too much. I need to go to a CODA meeting & I'm also surrounding myself with caring friends. I'm also just trying to keep busy - working out & going to movies, even when I have to go by myself.
It's really hard because I'm going to the opera tonight & I was supposed to go with the guy I was seeing. Thankfully some other friends will be there & I know I have to stay strong. I think I can do it but I just needed write all this down & it's helping.
It turned out his boyfriend had beaten him up a month before & he told me he just needed my support. Since I still care about him, I went to see him but on the condition that there would be no substances around (boundaries). Of course he ended up doing a lot of drugs when I got to his place. I should have just left but he was in really bad shape. He offered me GHB (date-rape drug), which I refused. He then offered pot & alcohol, which I also refused. I never did any hard drugs with him but I used to drink with him & occasionally smoke pot while he did cocaine - it was all part of my enabling. Anyway, I stayed the night with him but we slept in separate beds. I then went home feeling grateful that I've come a long way in my recovery (though I know it's far from perfect).
He has since contacted me a few times wanting me to come over but I have refused, though I did think about it because he knows how pull my heart string. The last straw was when he texted me at 6 am with a long incoherent message. I knew right away that he had pulled an all-night binge & wanted me to come over & take care of him. The old me would have gone over right away & take care of him because it was a way to get close to him. But not this time. I simply turned off my phone.
Last week, he called me from a payphone with another long-winded message (thank god I didn't hear my cell ring when he called). He's convinced that his ex who beat him up is spying on him. He had moved but he swears his new place is bugged & both his phone & computer have been tampered with. His ex did hack into his account before but I have a feeling this is mostly drug paranoia. Of course I'm worried about him but I can't get a hold of him - I blocked him from facebook & his new phone # is not working.
Last night, a guy I was seeing just ended things & I'm feeling vulnerable again. Rejection sucks. There's a part of me that wants to contact my ex to make sure he's ok but I also know it will open a can of worms. He needs help but he's the only one that can do that. I know he's going to try to suck me in again. I'm holding strong so far but I'm scared the temptation would be too much. I need to go to a CODA meeting & I'm also surrounding myself with caring friends. I'm also just trying to keep busy - working out & going to movies, even when I have to go by myself.
It's really hard because I'm going to the opera tonight & I was supposed to go with the guy I was seeing. Thankfully some other friends will be there & I know I have to stay strong. I think I can do it but I just needed write all this down & it's helping.
Do you have some inspirational and rational reading material that you can also refer to if you need, some gentle reminders that also might help to get you through if you hit a low point in your resolve?
It is a difficult situation, and it sounds like your ex has some pretty serious stuff to sort out and it is good that you are aware of enabling behaviour. I am sorry to hear of your recent break up. It is painful, give yourself some time to recover and grieve. Thanks for sharing with us. Good luck, take care and keep looking after yourself :)