I believe that you can and i think it is because you want everything to go perfect and are afraid it might not and do not want to upset the other person. Stay strong my friend.

I'm new on this site. I agree. I feel that many codependent people
have a fear of intimacy. Also, that addicts and alcoholics do too.
Mainly, for the reasons of growing up. Were your emotions
validated and understood? Did parents sit down and listen to
what was going on with you and offer empathy,
love and support? I"m sure they talk about this in the codependency
books. If you were ignored, or blamed or shamed for what you felt,
well that would carry over into having a fear of intimacy.
I see what saltytears says about wanting everything to go
perfect. That's mainly if you had a parent who was a
perfectionist and wasn't in touch with their own feelings.
(my take on it). It is complex but for sure, I know for
myself I"m still struggling with a fear of
emotional iintimacy. So.

My mom and dad were divorced and never there. My dad was a alcoholic, and mom had her problems also. I am so afraid that I will pick the wrong person. I make up reasons in my head, not to try to get close to someone.

I think it's the huge fear of being rejected, so we don't even give the other a chance.

This is a great topic to consider. In just sitting here thinking about it... I feel like if I were to release all that has me codependent and just be, even then... I would be afraid that my wife would love me.

Wow. Afraid of the one thing you want.... how terribly self defeating.

By the way, there's physical AND emotional intimacy.

Sex addicts crave the first and are incapable of the second. (Not suggesting that's you!) Others are satisfied with the second and don't need the third.

It's great when you can find both... with the SAME person! It took me until just recently to do that. It was worth it. Been married to my DH three years and life is so much better.

I'd rather be alone than settle for anything less than what I deserve. The key is to believe that you deserve the best.

Fear of abandonment Fear of Rejection and fear of intimacy... 3 primary things that ruled my life any person who comes from alcoholic or addicted house hold will have these fears ... sometimes they still try to rule but I catch them in the act by being in present and consciously being aware ...
What do I do when I catch them happening ... tell a new story ... encourage myself to take risk ... motivate self and say lets see whats on that side if the fear ...
Adult child of alcoholics and addicts is a good place to start to resolve our inner conflicts ...

For some codependents, they treat sex and love in different ways:

-- some accept sexual attention when what they really want is love.

-- some use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

-- yet some avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance

#7 Good post... FEAR is a pain in the @#$%, it combats everything... every form of progress. Every form of peace... love, etc.

Have to agree with Lone it is true and so is what Deli said you need to feel comfortable and if you do not try to get help and work on it. That part of a relationship is so important. Hugs

Lone Buck....man your post #5 struck a chord BIG TIME. Here I am alone and begging the gods, universe, the stars and the moon for love in my life....

and when I potentially have it coming to me and am FReAKing the heck out, wanting to run away and feeling like I am going to be sick about it so it makes me not want to do anything about it......

UGGghhhh......

Did all of this Codependancy, Intimacy Issues, Fear Stuff exist in the 1950's or did we just explode after the 80's?? HAHAHAHAHA What the heck. :/