I learn from women that they say women are very competitive and women compete with each other, and that (say some Ladies) is why Men become so vain because they think the Ladies are after him when really they are competing with each other.

Since I am a conceited man myself (smiles) then I do not know that as a fact but the women do say this is true.

In your opening comment you say this = "I was that girl last year"

And that hits me that you might be far more angry at that other woman, and maybe even jealous of her, if not just feeling competitive, as if you lost the prize.

You say about that man that his affection was not real, and it was psychopathic, manipulative, and he broke your heart and broke up with you, so it makes no sense to be depressed about him.

I would guess that you are just really angry at your self for not being able to hold onto him even if he is a jerk, because you are also angry at the other woman too for taking the jerk away from you.

And I really am not trying to be critical or judgmental as relationships and break ups happen all of the time and we deal with the resulting feelings and emotions.

The thing is that in codependency we really need to find out the true feelings and figure out the true reason for the feelings and get a real understanding of our emotions.

This is just my male opinion from my own perspective and I do wish you the best.

How could you know after a few months that you wanted to marry him?

I think you got lured into the game that you were for him. You say you "fell" for him. Yep... hook, line and sinker.

I'd do a paradigm shift. Do the Happy Dance of Joy that you are not his sucker any more... that other poor is now his newest victim.

Better alone and at peace then with a psycho, right???

i feel like i loved someone that did me like that a little. i realize now i loved the fantasy of possibly having a long term loving relationship with him. i feel like we got close, but something just wasn't there for him with me. i wanted him to love me so badly. i had never felt so attracted to someone. we had a relationship for 9 months. he found someone he wanted to commit to and broke things off with me. i've gone through a few weeks of "why not me" now, but i think that is coming to an end. it's been exhausting to not feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel of pain.
i'm 42. i've been broken up with a few times, and i've been ghosted (where they cease all communication with no explanation or warning) by someone i thought of as a good friend. the ghosting was the worst thing ever. it took me a year or two to get over that one. what kind of a person does that?!? other break ups it took me 3-9 months depending on the depths of my feelings. a couple of break ups happened over and over and over until that last time i just didn't care anymore. from those i recovered more quickly. i think those break ups from relationships that trigger emotions from our unresolved childhood issues are the hardest to heal from. i'm going to refrain from giving advice. i just wanted to share my experience. sometimes it's just comforting to know that others have been through or are going through similar pain as yours. i don't think your pain will last forever. you just have to have faith that eventually you WILL get over this.

Frethel- In this case, my ex ghosted me. After sleeping with me and then saying things like "I had SO much fun with you, please dont leave! You need to stay over my place next week"
I never heard from him again.
Texted him multiple times for months and nothing.
He completely just lied to my face and found a better looking girlfriend.
That ghosting HURTS like hell. I never know why I deserved it and I dont think anyone deserves it period....Its been a year since this breakup and like you mentioned, it has brought up all kinds of shit during this recovery. Childhood trauma, believing that I am literally crazy, all of my flaws, an extreme insecurity, loneliness, depression. The list goes on and on.
when will this feeling go away?!???
How have you all coped with your similar experiences? I just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel right now :(

Like any grieving process, this will pass. Right now it seems like you will feel like this forever. That is a normal part of grieving.
Our society is in love with the idea of a soul mate or that one person we were meant to be with. The truth is that a good relationship requires real work every day. The romantic Cinderella story romance is not realistic. You already know that.

He sounds a lot like an abuser. They drag you in with super special treatment and then get bored and get some sort of kick out of dumping you.

Just give yourself time to grieve and then go back out and find a real person to be with.

You won't feel better until you learn to be that kind loving parent to your inner child. I've been there.

How to do that? Grieve for that little girl who didn't get the love she deserved. Go to a playground (bring a book, so you don't look creepy, lol!) and observe the little kids playing. Imagine those cuties being told they are crap and worthless. How wrong is that, right? Well, that was you (and me and a lot of us).

So, spend some time working on understanding that you somehow got broken and you are going to put yourself back together. Go the bookstore, get a yummy cup of whatever, and pour through the self help section. Block off the entire afternoon this Saturday. Luxuriate in the time you are giving yourself. Think of it as a bubble bath for your inner soul. You'll find a few books that'll make you cry and feel sad, but validated. Find a few that really speak to you and buy them. Or at least write them down so you can go to the library if you can't afford them. Or get a Kindle and download them so you can read them whenever without broadcasting your issues...

I think that'll get things started.

Then, be prepared to get really pissed at him and yourself for allowing another person to make you feel that way.

You may feel worse before you feel better, but once you dig through the crap, you'll have some great soil to plant some seeds to recovery.

Hi heyvee,

There are a lot of really good comments already. I would suggest, as you've been grieving for a year, perhaps in addition to grief, give yourself permission to take breaks from the grief. Do things that used to put a smile on your face. I'm not suggesting to suppress the grief for long periods of time, but to allow yourself some breaks from it, so that you don't get stuck in this negative space all the time. Good luck.
*hugs*

I have to find things to distract me from thinking of the person. If I feel myself start to drift there, I try to find an activity that forces me to think about something else. Ghosting is brutal. The pain will eventually go away, but know that you have to continue the work on yourself even when you start to feel normal.
I can totally relate to feeling like you are going crazy. I wasn't. I just didn't know what to do because I was hurting so badly.
There's no one good trick or quick fix that is going to make the pain go away. There is no set time or due date on when a person's grief should be over. You just have to find a way to snap yourself out of your thinking and analyzing for short bursts of time. Then work on finding ways to make the short bursts last longer.
I know that if I let that person live in my head, there's no room for me. If there's no room for me, then how can I learn to love me?
I'm so sorry you are in such despair. You can break through this though.