Hey sassy :) Good for you for doing what you need to do... it is like you are putting the Serenity Prayer into action... you are doing what you can do, one step at a time, and now you need to let go of the stuff that you can't do anything about, all you can do is toss that stuff up into the air and see where things fall.

Why do you feel guilty like this? Because that is a huge part of our disease... you feel guilty because that is what we codies do... it is the disease talking. You made him a fair offer. Keep the self-belief. Stay true to you and what you think is fair. I think another part of our disease is wanting everyone to think good things about us- the only way to do that is to give in to their demands and that isn't healthy, so I tend to think that it is not very likely that we can have everyone think good things about us AND be emotionally healthy and look after ourselves- I don't think we can have it both ways. You can't control what he says or does. We need to do what we need to do and then step back and let the other person have their reaction. And his reaction is a reflection of him, not of you.

Do you really think he is entitled to more once you sell the house? I don't think you should give into that if you really don't think he is entitled to it. If in your heart you really think he is entitled to more, then maybe but weigh that up for yourself a bit further down the track, don't rush into it, take some time to consider it fully. Just because someone says something is true does not automatically make it so; just because he says he deserves more does not automatically mean he does. Weigh it up for yourself.

There is actually a nice little paragraph in Melody Beattie's Language of Letting Go about this stuff...

"When we set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern,- we may get flak from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway."

Thinking of you and sending you good wishes. Take care :)

I can so relate to what you're saying! In the process of getting this divorce, it has turned nasty. My STBX is telling all of his friends that I'm taking him for everything he's got. Really nothing could be further from the truth, but I don't want his friends and our joint friends thinking that I'm being a ruthless bitch. I'm not, but I don't want people thinking that. I'm so concerned about what they think that I'm willing to give up some of what I'm entitled to by law just to prove I'm not a gold digger or taking advantage of his inheritance. But I have to stop myself from thinking that way, because it only hurts me in the end. In know my STBX will still have more money than he will ever spend, as well as lot of real estate holdings, so he will not be penniless as he claims. I on the other hand do stand a good chance of being rather bad off if I don't take the money I'm entitled to. The code in me wants to let him have it his way so that I can prove "to everyone" that I'm being fair, but I'm really not being fair to myself. I have to continually talk myself off that ledge of giving up what I'm owed to make him happy. It's impossible really because he's an unhappy person, and no amount of money will make him happy. He's been unhappy most of his life.

So start telling yourself that you're entitled to live in peace, and that what others think of you is none of your business. That's what I have to tell myself almost daily. Are you working with a therapist now? Maybe have a discussion with them about it. You don't have to decide anything right now. Make big decisions like this from a healthy place, not a codie place.

You're doing the right thing with your original plan. Giving into this guilt is how we abdicate responsibility for ourselves & each time we do give in to it, it takes us that much farther away from being who we want to be.

Doesn't matter what he's going to say. You can't control it, it's not your problem. Something to consider is that if this kind of complaining is his general way, other people are going to have heard his claims of being short changed in the past by everyone else too...& not everyone is going to believe his side of things.

Stick with the offer, let him react however he wants...just don't let him do it toward you. This must be really challenging for you, but I really think you're going to be amazed at what standing strong for yourself in this situation is going to do for you. It will be giving yourself a very important experience & tool to go forward with, it will reduce the number of people who can mess with you in future & you will be that much more brave & capable (& you'll know it!).