Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So you know, the nice thing about being Co-Dependent is that I have the other person who is creating the chaos, so I don't have to deal with my own; hurting MY feelings, the person I have to "deal with", or rescue, the one that I am so happy to help......ya ya ya.....whateva....
So you know there is a fear I have found is in owning my own power. I am so sensitive that to own my own power, has literally physically exhausted me. The smallest thing feels like the straw that broke the camel's back, all because I have never really felt my own feelings, drawn boundaries, figured out who I was.....i was always 'busy' with something else.
So now when I am feeling uncomfortable, in the moment I am speaking up, at work, with friends, with family....ya know, really trying this whole communication thing on for size. Then on top of it I am totally making sure I am clear with my boundaries, making my voice gentle so I am heard and really being clear on the inside that my intention is resolution.....ya know...really being "healthy".
MY GAWD MAN......not only is it uncomfortable, but I find myself wincing waiting for the moment where I have to defend myself.....or protect myself for even expressing that I am needing something....or that I am uncomfortable with something that the person is doing......and then it all sets in....I end up being completely bowled over because people are apologizing!! WHAT THE.......totally new world! Who knew.....communication....comunicado....I have been calling it Communi-Avocado, only because I love guacamole :P
i am finding myself so exhausted, because the build up of taking care of myself is so tiring....and then going thru the exercise in this new way feels like a chore and I have to think about it.....I was so used to being deep in my sickness.....
And now I am plum tuckered out on it..........its like how I get about taking care of bills or something....like I would rather stack them up in a nice pile on the desk and look at my bank account and say....ya that looks better than after I pay those darn bills :) Yet I am wayyyyyyy more comfortable after I pay the bills......and I am not stressing....or feeling like I have to survive....because I know all the bills are paid.
Question.......do you find yourself using this site when needed, or are you religious. I found myself tapering off to the when I need it....is this supposed to be treated like a meeting?
Ta Ta for now Daily Strength world.........
So you know there is a fear I have found is in owning my own power. I am so sensitive that to own my own power, has literally physically exhausted me. The smallest thing feels like the straw that broke the camel's back, all because I have never really felt my own feelings, drawn boundaries, figured out who I was.....i was always 'busy' with something else.
So now when I am feeling uncomfortable, in the moment I am speaking up, at work, with friends, with family....ya know, really trying this whole communication thing on for size. Then on top of it I am totally making sure I am clear with my boundaries, making my voice gentle so I am heard and really being clear on the inside that my intention is resolution.....ya know...really being "healthy".
MY GAWD MAN......not only is it uncomfortable, but I find myself wincing waiting for the moment where I have to defend myself.....or protect myself for even expressing that I am needing something....or that I am uncomfortable with something that the person is doing......and then it all sets in....I end up being completely bowled over because people are apologizing!! WHAT THE.......totally new world! Who knew.....communication....comunicado....I have been calling it Communi-Avocado, only because I love guacamole :P
i am finding myself so exhausted, because the build up of taking care of myself is so tiring....and then going thru the exercise in this new way feels like a chore and I have to think about it.....I was so used to being deep in my sickness.....
And now I am plum tuckered out on it..........its like how I get about taking care of bills or something....like I would rather stack them up in a nice pile on the desk and look at my bank account and say....ya that looks better than after I pay those darn bills :) Yet I am wayyyyyyy more comfortable after I pay the bills......and I am not stressing....or feeling like I have to survive....because I know all the bills are paid.
Question.......do you find yourself using this site when needed, or are you religious. I found myself tapering off to the when I need it....is this supposed to be treated like a meeting?
Ta Ta for now Daily Strength world.........
Again... wow. Totally where I am. I was the one with late notices when I had money in the bank. No debt but a low credit score due to things going to collections when I had the money. DUH!!!
I also find myself getting entangled with other people's sh!t so I don't have to deal with my own. Talk about ADHD!
To answer your question, yes, I have been taking a Giant Step Back, Mother May I recently b/c I found that this site (for me, anyway) was just another thing to help me to ignore my own needs.
So now, I only come on for a little bit and post if I find it's resonating for ME- not b/c I want to post to a bunch of people.
The joke about Coda is that if you make it too much a part of your regular life, you are actually re-activating your codep issues. Like if you remember the 60's, you weren't there type of thing, ya dig?
BTW- can't remember if I told you that part of my issues are that I've got PTSD, so a lot of the crap I face is not going back to patterns of the abuse. It's like Codep is who you become when you had a toxic upbringing and PTSD is what you get...
Wow. That's deep.
But yeah, I constantly struggle with not having that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling... I know I'd actually CREATE those situations, just because it was what I dealt with growing up.
I've got to get used to a life where sh!t isn't constantly hitting the fan... But I'd need another job for that to be totally gone... So NOW what??? At least not engage in other people's sh!t...
Help at all to validate you???
Thanks
:)
Ya I have actually been looking in the corners of my house going....ok what is lurking around there to pop out and explode...HAHHHAHAHA
As dull and boring as the drama-less life is, and the more time I have to spend on focusing on my goals, life, dreams, emotions, is a healthy thing.....I swear it is really draining.
Anyway, *sigh* I am just 'keep on, keeping' on'......
So nice to be in good company!!
The writer of it once said that everybody knows a Michael Scott... and if you don't, it's because you ARE Michael Scott!
I like to think of mental heath the same way... Everybody's a little tweaked. And if you don't admit that you are, then you are REALLY out there!
I'll admit it- I love validation. It makes me feel like I'm not that too far gone. So thanks for "getting" me!
: )
Anyway, I find myself thinking the exact same thing as you said do I come here religiously or just when I need it? For me, I've been lurking, but now that I am starting to understand how codpendent I really am, you may be seeing me more, lucky you. lol.
I love avocados too! Love the play on words, very creative. So, I ask myself, ok so should I pay the bills or leave them til later? Yea I procrastinate, another codependent thing, or do I just sit down on the designated day, and just get it done? Sometimes It's my internal clock that says, ok you haven't paid any bills lately, what's going on? I'm lucky my lights haven't been turned off. I do put it off.
So what is this going through the excersize stuff, are you talking about the 12 steps of recovery, or are you doing something else, because honestly other than 12 step I didn't know there was a list.
I feel the same way you do about having to feel that awful feeling of having to defend myself, I hate that. I don't want to have to explain myself to anyone, they should understand a no is a no. But when they see your changing and not doing the things that you use to, then they are like, wtf? You mean I can't push you around anymore, or make you do this, or make you do that. As if when I ask you to do the dishes a 1,000 times like i think your going to do them on the 1,001 time.
I go to a coda group for me I focus on the crap I had to deal with when I was a kid, no my parents were not alcoholics, but they were rather too busy to be loving and kind and cherish me, they were in their own little worlds, didn't teach me a damn thing, which is probably why i have math anxiety now, and couldn't help me with my homework, nothing, i was a lonley kid, and the adults around me were very immature. basically a bunch of self centered jerks.
That's what I talk about so, now, I think what i am going to do is focus more in this group to help me with my issues, that will help me learn more of how to stand my ground and be focused on me, and what my needs are, I use to think that was so selfish of me, now I know it was just suppose to be self care, self awareness, and taking responsibility for my actions, instead of drinking to numb the pain and lash out on everyone.
Who knew. Love this thread CoDa.
I go to a spirit guide, and she told me that as you find your esteem, your true voice, your 'power', an amazing thing will occur and the people who were really intent on hurting you won't even appear any longer in your life and there will be a clear path of goodness that surrounds itself around you because nothing negative can stick to you like that when you have your power....it is as if the negative cowers and retreats to a person owning their power. I guess I am saying that while it isn't always 'perfect', there is a definite change in company these days. But in the relationships I want to have success with I am exercising my voice and power with them and finding they are MORE than happy to oblige....which is really strange and new feeling. But it obvious more of the anticipation and exercise is what is wearing me out....I haven't quiet trusted the process yet.
@11Christmas's I am definitely finding the company I keep now, are more than willing to hear me and respect my boundaries....it is an amazing experience! It is really validating, but I still feel really so protective of myself from even the most minor things as if I am still raw from trying to stay 'open' to the process......its sketchy....but working so I am trying to get really comfortable with knowing I know how to take care of myself. The true test will be when I get a boyfriend again.........that is going to be the biggest victory if I a) pick the right guy b) can communicate effectively and not wither away in the relationship .........time will tell.......
It is really interesting to hear everyone's perspective on this site too!!
Thanks for the feedback guys! Happy Sunday