I can either explode, or be silent. It's always to extremes. I work toward a middle ground, where my logic kicks in and I could handle situations without extremes and still make my point.

I don't know your story, or what you've been through. I know having grown up in a dysfunctional background, if I did fight for myself or others (care taking,) I was usually thrown against a wall. I know that silence is safe, but it is just internalizing anger my other extreme loudly and obstreperously protests. Neither, is
normal or very pleasant. It leaves me with guilt and embarrassment in public situations. Finding a middle ground has been my goal. I know the sooner I invite the fact that I'm powerless over the situation, the sooner logic will arrive. Silence, only happens to me when I know I am so overwhelmed I can't think. Maybe though that is natures way of calming us until we can think for ourselves later. It's both a blessing and a hindrance.
For me finding the middle ground is always the struggle. Either way, we all need to learn to give ourselves a break. I feel,
these are mainly survival mechanisms from our past. I'm definitely an extroverted personality so, introversion is harder for me.

I'm not sure if it's directly related to codependency or not. But I'm codependent and I'm the same way. I'm just now learning how to not only express emotion but to actually be aware of my emotions. I never used to realize what I was feeling. Other people realized it before I did and would point out to me that I was depressed or angry. None of my family expresses emotion. They will laugh or make fun of you if you try to tell them that they did something that hurt you. I was always told "don't cry or I'll give you something to cry about" by my dad when I was growing up. So repressing emotion became a survival tactic. Hard to reprogram all that brainwashing.

Both make alot of since I think I also stay quiet becasue it is safe I will have to work on expressing my emotions

Just my opinion, by I've not run across a def of codependency being stoic or cold...on the contrary...we are basically, people pleasers...
at the expense of ourselves and others...

Many codependents have given so much of themselves. that in a backlash compensatory way, they stop giving anything. In CoDA we call that codependent avoidance behaviors. That we come in two flavors (although we can slide back and forth between them: we are either love addicts & people pleasers craving intimacy and connection (even though we have not the slightest idea of how to achieve that) or we are love anorectics, avoiding closeness and connection at any cost. Both stem from fear of abandonment. The love addict pursues because he/she is terrified of being alone, and the love anorectic runs because he/she is terrified of getting hurt. Recovery works wonders for both, as do many other good avenues of help.

Definately I have experienced "cody burnout" Grace...I begin to isolate to "recharge"....for me, even at "the end", when I had nothing left, I would give my dying breath if I thought someone "needed it"...a very debilitating disease...indeed.

Emotions- sometimes i wonder to myself what are we to do with them? I too close off from people because it feels easier than showing my vulnerability but it causes me more pain.

I'm slowly starting to say what i feel when i feel it or soon after so that it doesn't build up and come out in an explosion later.

Sometimes out internal thoughts tell us things that make us fearful. We need to notice when our negitive voice is trying to take over and go inside to heal that child within.

Blessings and joy to you all on your journey of recovery.

Vee

How do I find a CODA metting

Go to Google and type "Codependents Anonymous". The website for CoDA will come up and the home page has a link to find meetings anywhere in the world. Click US and your state and follow the prompts.

I found this article on bottling up emotions and thought it might help.


Are you the type to bottle things up? Do you avoid telling people how youre really feeling? If the answers yes then you might benefit from getting things out in the open

You know what mood youre in, but does everyone else? Many people hide their emotions to appear strong, professional or in control. But there are benefits to letting your guard down too.

Opening up can help you engage with others, work through issues and reach solutions. Take a look at this how to guide and work out how to fine tune the way you express yourself.


How to be ... honest
If someone asks you how you are, do you tend to answer Yes Im fine? even when youre not feeling that great? Often when you dont admit how youre feeling to other people, you dont truly let yourself accept your emotions either. Being optimistic is a good idea, but putting on a brave face can come at a price if youre not entirely realistic.

The key is to think positively, but not look through rose-tinted glasses and instead hold onto a healthy dose of honesty. Seeing things how they are will allow you to make any changes that might be needed to overcome any difficult situations.


How to be ... hurt
Holding back when you feel upset or annoyed can sometimes help to prevent an argument but it can also be unhealthy if you use sulky silence to make a point.1

Everyones guilty of it once in a while - the slammed door, the weighted look. And its especially easy to succumb to a sulk if you feel criticised, hurt, neglected or just annoyed. You might not have made a conscious decision to withdraw, but sometimes sulking can carry on for hours, even days!


If you recognise this is something that you do, these tips might help:

How to think

Realise that its okay to be disappointed or annoyed when someone does something to upset you
Accept that you can have preferences for how other people treat you, but know that it is only a preference and isnt how it has to be
Know that you can cope with someone treating you unfairly, it might hurt but its not unbearable
How to act

Describe what has happened that made you feel upset, without adding how you feel about the event. E.g. When you came home from work I had made dinner for us, you sat down and ate and watched the television without talking to me. Instead of When you came home you completely ignored me and didnt even say thanks for me making dinner.
Try not to blame the other person for making you feel the way you do, say I feel upset and unappreciated, not You upset me and dont appreciate me .
Check to see whether how you feel is what is actually happening, ask I just wanted to check that you do appreciate me making dinner?


More often than not, approaching a situation assertively will bring about a quicker, more satisfying result that will make you and everyone else feel better. Give it a go!


How to be ... angry
Anger is often thought of as a negative emotion that needs to be purged. But thats not always the best idea. When you feel angry, your body pumps you full of the hormone adrenaline and you feel energetic, alert and ready to go! If you sit on these feelings and do nothing to act on them, unhealthy tension can build up and you end up feeling stressed and frazzled.2

Instead, a healthy nonviolent realease of anger can be just what you need to calm down and see a situation in a different light.


Next time you feel angry think about:

Releasing your anger on an object (not a person)! Fight a cushion, scream into your sofa, run up and down the stairs, anything to release that buzz of adrenaline.
Accept that you are angry, and ask yourself what you would like to change to make the situation better.



Let it all out
You can experiment with letting your emotions out bit by bit. Tell someone how youre feeling, then see what happens. Do you feel better? Another good half-way step is to keep a journal of your inner thoughts, and remember this positive mantra, It is safe for me to express myself. Go on, try it for yourself!