definitely not a dumb question. i'm pretty new to the whole codependency thing too, but i've heard it discussed that maybe everybody has a certain amount of codependency. It's innate. So without knowing the situation besides that your husband struggles with an addiction, I'd say there's probably a certain amount of codependency there. I just ordered my first book, it wouldn't hurt to follow suit.

I would google it and find as much info on it as you can.

Wikipedia is a good place to look to, and there are some old discussions on this board that have the "official definition" on the

I copied this from a message mgs1 sent me a few months ago:

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges....
go there to learn more about co-dependency...

I believe a lot of people have co-dependency confused with lots of other
issues...
Here is a clinical definition of co-dependency:

Codependency - What is it?
Codependency is when a person has a strong desire to control people around them, including their spouse, children or co-workers. Codependents believe they are somehow more capable than others, who need their direction or suggestions to fulfill tasks they are responsible to complete. They feel compassion for people who may be hurting and feel they should be the one to help them. Codependent people give of their time, emotions, finances, and other resources. They have a very difficult time saying "no" to any requests made of them.

The biggest issues that arises from co-dependency is that many codependents expect their behavior to have "value" or be appreciated.
They measure their self-worth by how much they feel they are valued.

Wow Hoops! That's great! Thanks for your post. It's short, succinct, and to the point! It's exactly what I was looking for without the detail of the 235 characteristics in CPNM. I need to carry this around with me or tatoo it on my hand. Thanks again, it certainlky helps me.

Are you always trying to help him? Are you more worried about him than you are about yourself? Do you think that your way is the best way for him? Do you think you have all the answers and are determined to make him see that? That to me is codependence. That was me...

If you feel consumed by it, to the point that you're putting your own health second or not considering yourself, like not going on vacations, not going to the dentist, not keeping up on your interests, then you are codependent and need to seek help to not get consumed by his illness. Peace

Codependent No More, the bible of the Codep circle says, "The co-dependent takes care of everyone; feelings, actions, words,neglecting themselves.They are reactive and live through or for someone else. They are controlling and blame others instead of taking responsibility. They try to fix others and exhibit anxiety when it comes to intimacy."

Codependency seems to vary from person to person- which makes sense because we're all unique- so if any of that definition hits a nerve in you, then it might be good to have a read through that book.

Well, I'll add this..........does a codependent feel they can "do it better" or "are they responsible" or is it that the people they "connect with" are ALSO codependent(whether they recognize/accept it or not).

MANIPULATION........I say this is the worst part of codepency that we don't acknowledge enough.......thoughts???

I'll second that! Manipulation in a Codependent relationship is kind of the overlooked problem.
Here's a great link that mentions it in regard to coping with this personality type:

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/Pass_Agg.htm