Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
but I'm here in an attempt to understand co-dependency so I can avoid it and maybe offer some advice to my two friends who are suffering from it.
My two friends have been unhappily living together for the past 7 years. The female friend has romantic delusions about the male friend loving her, because they enjoyed some real heat, passion and understanding the first 3 months of their relationship. Since then, it has been all down-hill for both of them. He has become increasingly affected by bipolar/social anxiety disorder, to the point where he's become paralyzed--unable to get and hold down a job, hooked on meds, dependent on her to take care of him, yet blaming her for eternally for all aspects of his condition. She's clinging to the romantic delusion that, if only she helps him, he'll fall back madly in love with her. But he won't accept the help because he doesn't think he needs it (when in fact he does). I lost my temper at the male friend and called him on his shit, asking for an explanation, and I got none, only the brunt of the hostility of his bipolar condition. The female friend was calling me after that argument, feeding off my anger and using my anger to propel hers, which I've told her I no longer want to do. He moved back in with her, after a two-month split, for the umpteenth time, and I know it's only going to lead to another painful and ugly breakup. They're both the products of their parents (as we all are). Her mother is a domineering control-freak, her father the docile, passive one. His mother is a shy, spacy type who also suffers from bipolar and chooses to binge on alcohol to medicate herself. His father is a happy, go-lucky playboy who puts on a big, materialistic show to win "friends". Get the picture? It's a really, really ugly mess, to the point where I've chosen to disassociate myself from both of them.
Any advice for the two of them, folks?
My two friends have been unhappily living together for the past 7 years. The female friend has romantic delusions about the male friend loving her, because they enjoyed some real heat, passion and understanding the first 3 months of their relationship. Since then, it has been all down-hill for both of them. He has become increasingly affected by bipolar/social anxiety disorder, to the point where he's become paralyzed--unable to get and hold down a job, hooked on meds, dependent on her to take care of him, yet blaming her for eternally for all aspects of his condition. She's clinging to the romantic delusion that, if only she helps him, he'll fall back madly in love with her. But he won't accept the help because he doesn't think he needs it (when in fact he does). I lost my temper at the male friend and called him on his shit, asking for an explanation, and I got none, only the brunt of the hostility of his bipolar condition. The female friend was calling me after that argument, feeding off my anger and using my anger to propel hers, which I've told her I no longer want to do. He moved back in with her, after a two-month split, for the umpteenth time, and I know it's only going to lead to another painful and ugly breakup. They're both the products of their parents (as we all are). Her mother is a domineering control-freak, her father the docile, passive one. His mother is a shy, spacy type who also suffers from bipolar and chooses to binge on alcohol to medicate herself. His father is a happy, go-lucky playboy who puts on a big, materialistic show to win "friends". Get the picture? It's a really, really ugly mess, to the point where I've chosen to disassociate myself from both of them.
Any advice for the two of them, folks?
my advice for YOU is to tell them that, and to lovingly stay out of their business.
put some boundaries in place.
but i agree with hoops. this is just misery and drama and i hope that you don't get pulled into it because you love them both.
they both need counseling etc.
i have a wonderful dear friend who has become a raging drunk in the last year.
it's taken all i have to "cut her loose" but did so to protect myself and not enable her to continue with the same destructive behavior.
and she has a 9 month old baby.......
love them but know that until they decide to get better all you can do is love them......
this is difficult.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
If it were me, I'd find new friends who provide mutual respect, honesty and benefit.