Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am going through a very very difficult time letting go of a recent relationship with a woman I loved more than just about anything in my life. I recently went to talk to a counciler and she thought i should read Codependance No More as I struggle to let go of the love I still have for my ex. My ex even went so far as to run off with my best friend so I have this horrible empty feeling I can't even explain. I have never delt well with loss but i am not sure if my feelings are just because of how much i love her.
My ex, Cory, also has a wonderful little boy named Matthew that I love as if he was my own. I feel like I am losing both of them....
I just am so anxious and scared. I want them to love and miss me too but I just dont know if waiting makes me a fool or not.
Pray for me and let me know your thoughts...
Jim
My ex, Cory, also has a wonderful little boy named Matthew that I love as if he was my own. I feel like I am losing both of them....
I just am so anxious and scared. I want them to love and miss me too but I just dont know if waiting makes me a fool or not.
Pray for me and let me know your thoughts...
Jim
When I read it, I had some real aha moments, and there were also some areas that I felt very definitely did not apply to me.
It became clearer to me what is codependent behaviour and what isn't.
Loving someone as deeply as you do Cory and Matthew is not necessarily codependent, but the fact that you will not worry about yourself and rather put all your energy and strength into wanting to take care of them and being willing to do anything to try to win her back to the detriment of yourself. That is being codependent. Sacrificing yourself for the sake of someone else, and being dependent on them to make you feel good about yourself, is being codependent.
I hope this helps a little. I hope you also get other responses from others. Big ((hugs)) Jim. It is not easy to let go when you don't want to, but know you need to. I hope reading the book will help. I think it is a great book!
I am so sorry you are going through this it is rough. Being unable to look out for my own best self-interest is the hallmark of my codependent pathology. For me, being unable to let go of relationships is part of the pathology. Unfortunately, I used to get confused as to what was pathology and what was "love". As they say in CoDa (a 12 step program for codependents), love and codependent behavior cannot co-exist.
I was overlooking all sorts of mistreatment and incompatibilities just because I couldn't let go and face being alone.
Jim, I know what you are going through is so tough, but spend the time to work on yourself. Keep the focus on you and doing good things for you. Put the oxygen mask on yourself. And treat yourself gently. Oh, and read the book - it really is a life-changer.
Peace to you.
Absolutely I think you're in the right place.
I posted here a week or two sharing my struggles...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Codependency/forum/12930208-codependent/lastpage
being a man it's hard to find other "codependent" men to relate with.
My prayers are with you and hope you find encouragement here on these boards. One of the things i've learned is that we are most definitely not alone in our struggles.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's really painful. Any loss is painful. Heck, for me, just the *idea* that I *could* lose my wife sent me into a spiral. Anxious and scared is exactly the feeling and it hurts.
Like others said, read Codependent No More and see what resonates there and what doesn't.
You're not alone.