Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Do any of you do this?

Magenta111
Magenta111
I can't manage to walk away, so I resort to being mean..hoping he will leave me. Then I feel bad for lowering myself to his level of saying hurtful things.

I really thought we were "done" weeks ago, but I gave him another chance and now I am even more mad at myself. He is very manipulative and I fall for it everytime. He says just what I need to hear to stay. I emailed him a great article on "taker" and "caregivers" in co-dependant relationships and he refused to read it.

Why can't I let go of this man who is a narsacistic lier, womanizer who doesn't work, steals pills from his parents, is in denial about his pill addition and thinks taking me out to dinner and sex constitues a "relationship".

My friends are so sick of me complaining (and staying)that I'm running out of support. I stupidly cancelled my Thanksgiving plans with friends for him! I am trying to be strong and not see him this weekend. Better to be alone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Only all the time almost every time. I can see my mistake after I've committed it and have had time to regret but don't want to back out because then there's the fight after because I am self compelled to be honest about why I am backing out. I have an immediate impulse to please and care for and fix others, I am trying to answer every request with "if you need an answer right now, it's no" I'll even lie to pull that off because I can pretty quickly make up a reason for not giving an answer, usually blame it on someone else. So yes, I do things with and for people I really don't want to and then kick myself for it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's hard letting go of a situation that has become comfortable. Sometimes we feel that we deserve the pain & other times, we don't want to admit we're wrong about our choice in partner. However, by waiting & allowing this person to continue to take advantage of you, you're allowing your life to slip away from you. You can't expect to walk away from the relationship without some amount of pain & needing time to recover & trust yourself again. However, the sooner you can pull away & leave the relationship FOR GOOD, you can begin to pick up the pieces & move on in life.

Believe me, I have been in your position & I have really kicked myself for waiting so long to leave. It wasn't that I doubted my decision, but I doubted that I could walk on my own. In the end, I walked away with no regrets and glad to be rid of the whole situation.

~C
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's hard letting go of a situation that has become comfortable. Sometimes we feel that we deserve the pain & other times, we don't want to admit we're wrong about our choice in partner. However, by waiting & allowing this person to continue to take advantage of you, you're allowing your life to slip away from you. You can't expect to walk away from the relationship without some amount of pain & needing time to recover & trust yourself again. However, the sooner you can pull away & leave the relationship FOR GOOD, you can begin to pick up the pieces & move on in life.

Believe me, I have been in your position & I have really kicked myself for waiting so long to leave. It wasn't that I doubted my decision, but I doubted that I could walk on my own. In the end, I walked away with no regrets and glad to be rid of the whole situation.

~C
deleted_user
deleted_user
"I can't manage to walk away, so I resort to being mean..hoping he will leave me". That is not a good way to make a break, in fact I would say it is a bad way. Being on the receiving end of such confusing behaviour makes the person being left bewildered and then more clingy. If you want to make the break do it with kindness. Your man who has loser tendencies has enough problems and low self esteem issues to deal with. I wish you well
deleted_user
deleted_user
Leaving is hard enough, but making it a lengthy, heart-wrenching process is even worse. I'm thinking of a song that goes...
"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."
If you leave - for good - that will make him understand that you're trying to make your life better and he's not helping. If you can leave and stay away he may see how much he really wants to be with you and possibly change. Or, it may be your second chance at having a good life without being attached to a loser who will never change no matter what you do. Either way, staying in a manipulative, abusive relationship shouldn't be an option.
Inneedifsupport
Inneedifsupport
At least you are seeing it yourself, that is a step in the right direction. If took me ages to walk away even when I was totally aware of what I was doing. But I think you acknowledging this crap he is giving you is a great start, sometimes you just have to go through all the crap until you just cannot take anymore and prefer to be alone for a while.......we are here to help you through it xx
Inneedifsupport
Inneedifsupport
Just remember you are addicted to the relationship, just like he is addicted to those pills, you know its wrong but you are compelled to continue.......its not easy but you will get there x
deleted_user
deleted_user
it takes a lot to walk away. It is not easy when the other person sees that there is nothing wrong and just wont understand things.
hang in there we are all here for you .
Magenta111
Magenta111
Thank you all for your replies and support.. EM...you really nailed it! He does not see that he is a part of the problem. While I never claim to be near perfect, I at least admit my faults and shortcomings.... He is omlhy all to happy to point out my shortcomings@ ICK! Well..... I made it through tonight..... everyday will be easier..
Hugs and squeezes to all who responded. J.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, Im kinda new around here. I barely survived such a relationship. 5 years of I hate you dont leave me. I knew something was wrong but I stuck it out, because of loyalty? He ended up robbing me blind, physically abusing me and nearly crippling me. He is a narcissist who only thinks of himself. Add drugs to that picture and you get a monster. I dont believe they know love. Its been a year but I think of him all the time. Its an addiction, but one day I will be healthy and glad I left the state to get away from him
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well you need to figure out what you want in a relationship and stick to it, and don't give in to manipulation. You can't let go, cause of maybe self esteem issues, like I won't get anyone else. Codendancy plays with your mind sometimes. You will run out of support from friends, nobody want's to hear the same ol same ol over and over, especially on the holiday's so make a decision and stick to it, if you can't I would get some 1 on 1 therapy to see why y ou have trouble letting go. Take care.