I'm sorry this really sounds like you need a group for alcoholics instead of codependents.

I have real trouble reading all caps because of my dyslexia. I am too sick to really study it so I am pretty sure I am not getting all of it.

OPPS you are in those groups. Sorry. So I really will have to read this over again when I feel better.

Hope you come back

Hi "sassybabe" and I love that name.

You mention going to church, and I say that is the right direction but it needs to be far more then joining some religion or some church.

I sincerely found that we all simply must connect personally with God, and without God no one can have any real faith or strength or vision, so that we are lost in life without God.

I have been there and done that and it really stinks.

Try reading the Bible completely - as like from the first page down to the very end, because then you will know the basics, and nobody can really teach it to us as it must be personal as you and God alone.

With God we get our self-esteem, and with God we get the healthiest of boundaries, and God takes away our fears of the unknown, and only God can truly replace any addiction.

This is just my advice, but your comment about "church" implies that you already knew this your self.

thanks Booky for the posting. sorry about the caps don't usually do that. copied from my journal and do it all in caps. this is the way I feel many evenings and then in the morning I am like 90% better. I dread the evenings alone and coming home to an empty house with the "ghost" of my ex here. sunnybunn that's for the posting also. I do have problems with alcohol and code and its really not that unusual as the personality traits are smiliar.

Yeah, I see that. Ibwill copy/paste and read once I get my computer. Bet it makes perfect sense then.

I sould stop looking with my phine and stick with solitaire
Lol

Hi Sassy: What I am going to ask you to do is first work on getting off the alcohol. Nothing is going to work until you stop drinking. Alcohol impacts your brain, judgment and ability to reason.

Alcohol also is a depressant and can make depression much worse.

Get on the alcoholism group here each day and work with them on steps to stop drinking. It isn't easy, but you're worth it.

Eventually, you will probably feel a clearer mind and a greater presence in the moment.

Many, many hugs

I know your right. when I get off work my anxiety is so high but it also so high because I know what I need to do to get rid of it. drink beer.

Have you tried meditation?

Would it help to learn to relax those nerves naturally.

Sorry, I am not an addict so my suggestions could be just totally stupid.

You've been struggling in that house for quite a while, and it holds a lot of bad memories for you. What about changing to a different house, or even location? I wouldn't be able to relax at all if I was still in the marital house, so I'm really glad I was the one to move out. I agree that alcohol worsens depression. My STBX was a big drinker and it made him even more miserable. It clouds your mind even if you're not drinking at the moment. Start there and see if it helps. Also you need to break the habit of drinking after work to make yourself feel better. How about enrolloing in an exercise class instead? I used to belong to an exercise class that met twice a week, and I actually made some friends there. And it was fun. Get those good endorphins working for you. It will cheer you up.

And I don't think you're an uncaring person at all. You cared too much for people that didn't appreciate it or return the favor. You did well to cut yourself loose from them.

Another suggestion would be to get on the boards here in the evening when you're feeling down. Do something DIFFERENT.

very scared of making changes and my sons up coming visit to see if he needs another open heart surgery. not being very self compassionate to myself and afraid to be in this house alone. not sleeping good a lot of night nervous about being in the country alone. afraid I wont find a place that I can keep my beloved dog. inner child seems to be screaming at me and OCD driving me nuts. guilt feeling and worried about what other think of me and that if they really knew me they would run like hell. boy I am spending tomorrow praying and reading and trying to find my balance. been working so much to pay all these bills that I have not had time to reflect and work on me and just feel really bad about myself and lack of control over these crazy feelings and stress. I do a lot of things and exercise a lot but most things I really don't enjoy and think about when it will be over. worry about everything and not enjoying my life. want to move to a city that my daughter lives in so can be close to grandkids and here but feel so fragile that I cant start the process. cant spend another winter in this house. thanks for listening and please pray for me that I can get myself balanced again and in a better place with less stress and make some decision soon even if wrong. see there it is - I could be wrong and regret the move and selling of the house and worry about really loosing it if I feel like this. fear and fear of the unknown and how hard I am on myself if I made a wrong decision.

I have to agree with AsTimeGoesBy, get off the drink totally, wait a year, then consider about selling the house.

It is NEVER a good idea to make decisions in the midst of mental struggles. You may feel very different without the poison of alcohol being put in your body to mess with your mind all the time.

I mentioned this in a posting a while ago, but I'll repeat it. I listened to a talk on tape that my therapist gave to me, and it was about what floor your elevator is on. Meaning that each day we should look at our mood as a 100-story building, and ask ourselves what floor our "mood elevator" is on - 100 being the best mood and 1 being the worst. Never make important decisions when your elevator is near the bottom; make them when your elevator is on a high floor. This has really worked for me. When I'm down, I ask myself where my elevator is. And I know that, even though may elevator may be on 11 today, it may go up to 65 tomorrow. And it usually does. So if you're feeling down, know that you won't always feel this way, and don't make any drastic decisions while you feel this way. When your elevator is high, then think through the changes you'd like to make and see what comes up for you. But definitely get off the drink. Your elevator can't go up if you are weighing it down.

Hi sassy, its great to see you back again.

I can sorta relate. I had been reading about all this codependency stuff and had been learning new ways, changing some things and one day, I was reading a book written by a therapist and she said that she doesn't continue working with someone on this kind of stuff (coda stuff, etc) who is actively drinking because alcohol interferes with the recovery process and numbs things and prevents people from feeling what they need to feel (or something along those lines) in order to deal with things. I had been relying on alcohol a little more than I would have liked at that point and I realised then that I drank in order to avoid dealing with things, to avoid feeling things, and if I was serious about getting better then I needed to stop drinking and learn new and healthier ways of dealing with things. And I needed to start feeling the stuff that I was trying to numb.

I still have a long way to go with this recovery stuff, I still have a lot to learn and a lot of practicing to do but I don't really drink at all now and I feel better for it, and better about myself, and if I do happen to have that thought of "Oh my gosh, what a day, I think I need a drink", I realise that I am probably trying to avoid dealing with something or feeling something and I realise that there are healthier options for me to choose and I deserve to choose the healthier option for myself.

I guess the things that I use to deal with an overwhelming day nowadays are things like going for a walk, going to a meeting, calling a friend, doing some reading or journaling, I still do a bit of on-line stuff. I am aiming to start doing some meditation/ relaxation stuff again because it has been a while. I also still catch up with my wonder-counsellor. Haha and yeah I know I should be throwing in more physical stuff there like exercise and gym etc but that doesn't factor in to my routine much yet, other than the walking :)

I think we also need to remember to give ourselves a break, cut ourselves some slack, be gentle with ourselves, we are works in progress. It sounds like you still have a bit happening at the moment, you are bound to be feeling a bit overwhelmed at times. And yes, I have seen counsellors in the past and it has probably helped little bits and pieces but my current counsellor is the only one who has really helped me kick things along. I am sorry that you have been having trouble finding a good counsellor but keep on doing your own recovery stuff. Remember the serenity prayer.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon :)

thanks for the comments and the honesty. yes I do drink to tolerate the boredom and frustration and its a habit that I have done for years. and yes probably an alcoholic. alcohol has been a part of my life since childhood. good and bad times it was always a part of the mix. food for thought that I need to do other things that are more positive and less of a drain on my body. yes I have been feeling a lot of guilt about what I
am doing and what I am not doing to be a better person. then I stop myself and practice self compassion. this is a great help for me. I don't even drink to have fun with others. thanks for caring and posting.