Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hello,
I talked with HR today for two hours. I used to be in an online support for teachers on Facebook, and was getting support there, it was helpful, and then for some reason was totally banned from the group. I didn't do anything or attack anyone, or violate the stated group rules and norms. I just followed up, posted and said that I took action on the situation and had a really long meeting with HR. The post was declined, not really a big deal, the next thing I know all trace of the group was scrubbed from Facebook, so I was banned. I'd been in it for a year and it's not connected to my job; I don't get it. Talk about cancel culture. I felt like I was being excluded and bullied by the facebook group as much as I was the job itself!!
In a nutshell, my boss falsely accused me of doing something that is really crappy-in writing, and copying other people on it. I'm not going to go into it here, but that is what happened. I was totally devastated. I found out about it, ironically, during the middle of our harassment training last week where one of the items that came up was false accusations. I was crying and freaking out on Friday, but I got busy over the weekend and put together all of my documentation and then made the report. I am going to quit, but not immediately. I'm consulting a lawyer tomorrow just so that I have specifics and am aware of what I am doing, know what I am talking about when I say that I am being harassed and can articulate what is going on.
I feel that in a sense that this is a codependency issue in that I let it continue from the time I started back in late August/early September. Tolerating excessive abuse, lies, put-downs, raising voice, when you put up with this it falls under the category of codependency when the interactions are sick and you are locked in it and it gets worse. I really think this type of a relationship even in a work context is similar to a domestic abuse context (which I used to be in). There are some really striking similarities. Talking to the attorney should be enlightening, and helpful, but I need to make my plan of what to do next. Thanks for being here. It means everything.
(I had an incident with a teacher many years ago where that teacher tried to get a group of teachers to attack us when we lodged a complaint against her for her calling our child bad names like idiot and jerk in the classroom. We went to the principle and a meeting with the teacher was set up and that teacher brought in all the teachers from that entire grade. We said we only wanted a meeting with that one teacher and the other teachers either looked embarrassed or started verbally attacking us. What I found was, teaching as a profession is often strange and things are tolerated that would never be tolerated in another work environment. I found out beforehand that other parents had complained of the same thing, other scapegoats in the class had been moved to different teachers. I fought this all the way up to the superintendent who was respectful and quite shocked at how the teachers had acted. As far as I know, nothing happened to this teacher that year but she did stop calling our kid these bad names.)
Your last paragraph is a lesson I am learning right now also. We know this stuff but we so easily get sucked into craziness and abusive situations anyway. My situation was with people on social media and political falsehoods and then a 'new friend' who turned out to be a real problem over the same thing. I realized that my gut and mind told me to not participate or to get out when it first got crazy. Like you, I tolerated things with naive and wishful thinking. Please let me know how you are doing. Stay strong.