I hear you. There came a time where I had to sever ties, cut communication, some cold turkey, others I minimized contact without hurting feelings. I became busy with my own life, started making changes, and enjoying activities. I pursued my own life, rather than get sidelined by "narcissists". Selfish, or narcissistic, either way some people, including moms, can be so focused on their own needs that they are unable to reciprocate empathy, or care. They just can't do it, unless they get help. So! Test the people you meet. You might be lonely for a little, but it's worth it when you have a trust few friends that actually care. This can be hard especially if your family is really close. But, stick to your guns! Take some time to learn about yourself, you'll find that when you invest in getting to know yourself, I.e. your beliefs, your desires, your preferences, you can then see clearly what you want out of life. That's one skill us codependent people lack. My faith is the one thing that helped pull me out of the pit of codependency, even though I still have a ways to go, I'm proud to say I've made decisions on my own and I have to pay for bad ones on my own, too! :-) sorry so long. I hope this encourages you to live your own life, not somebody else's.

Thanks for your advice! Appreciate it. I find your suggestions very helpful especially getting to know myself. I am slowly but surely detaching myself from my mom. It is not easy. My faith helps me too! I find peace and patience (not always) when I deal with her.

GREAT! Yes! Your mom will survive. I went through the same thing with my mom. Now, we interact less (which was kinda sad), but when we do interact, we are individuals sharing and loving, not an entangled mess! The intense anger and resentment I had subsided. I still have mom issues to resolve, but it's not something she has to participate in. It's my own journey of self discovery, through and my path is through my faith: Who was I created to be, what was I created to do? Take care! Friend me! :-)

Wow, it's like looking in a mirror, I totally understand. You don't owe an explanation to your mom or anyone for that matter. I don't know if you attend Coda, but I would recommend it. I'm sorry if I am not able to give the best advice, as I really don't know your situation but from what you have said it's the same thing my mom does. It's called control, they don't have it over us anymore and don't know how to deal with it, because they don't feel like they have anything wrong with them and that it is just all us ungrateful kids. That's BS! So, you just step back take a deep breath, and tell yourself, I own my own feelings, this is how I feel , and I am going to be true to who I am. I was not put here on earth to be manipulated by someone who needs to seek advantage over me, to get what they want. What about what I want? If I don't want to do what she is asking, I am only being true to me, there's nothing wrong with that. I love me, I am going to take care of me, if she can't understand that then she is overstepping her boundaries, and until she calls back and apologizes to me for not only being a big immature child, but also disrespecting me, I'm not going to do what it is she wants, because she does not have that power over me anymore.

I love good healthy boundaries with my mother,
She doesnt like them at all. Its about her control and
dysfunction When i was getting divorced she Was all
ready to take charge of me i was 58 years old Married
for 30 years. I take care of people for a living.

She was relentless, i stopped telling her anything about
The divorce and or much about my life. Its sad but i needed
To, she lived out of state and she would call me to tell me
My weather. Now i call her on sundays. It took awhile And
i have been in alanon since 2012. If i gave her an inch She
would take a mile and loves to micromanage her children.

She was never very healthy for my marriage nor was my
MIL. Some mothers dont understand healthy boundaries
Especially if they think their child needs their wisdom and
Guidance and their fixing skills. HUGS

It's as if I am listening to myself when I read your comment. Like you, I have to choose what to tell her. I stopped telling her the major decisions made in my life. I feel bad about it. I am afraid she will find out one day. I know she will make a big fuss of it.

My mom micromanage her children too! She feels she is losing control of us and she is not happy about it. When we are facing some problems in life, she would come to rescue. She wants to feel relevant in our lives. I do not mind as much, If it is guidance and opinion that she would like to offer. She passes judgment and gets upset when we do not do what she thinks it is right for us.

I feel guilty for thinking of the worst of her. Maybe this is the only she knows how to show love?
HUGS!

I love alanon it has helped me a great deal with my
mother. She is really my qualifier more than anyone
else. She Is 83 she will never change and she had
attended alanon For 20+ years. I think she was somewhat
better during that Time but reverted right back after
stopping to attend.

I feel bad for her too but she does not have a shutoff
Button. My two younger sisters she enables them as
Much as they allow. I keep my strong boundaries for
Me and my serenity and peace. She makes me nuts
When i am near her. She is highly dysfunctional and
There is not much i can do except save myself. HUGS