Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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runnindog 05/13/2020

I posted yesterday that I am the "new guy". Cunning, baffling and powerful. All addictive like behaviours are that it semms eh! I have been to many coda meetings in the past, but it has not sunk in until now that this could be my major issue. People pleasing....

I kind of was under the assumption that codependancy only affected me with the other sex, and that my needing a relationship to fill the void inside me, was my entire issue.

I just read a new post, and the comments. It turns out that I now realize that I have been a "people Pleaser" for many years now. Hmmm. Pleasing others even when it affects me adversly. I feel guilty if I say no though. I don't want to be selfish. That is not right though is it? I'm a little confused now. I believe now that even my relationship with my dog was a codependant one. I did eveything for that beautiful dog. I loved her so much. I would say to myself that as long as she was happy, I was happy. It did make me happy to see her enjoying life though. there is nothing wrong with that is there?

I am definetly confused now.

Thank you everyone for being here. -- I even feel a need to please all you with complements and such.HOLY MOLY

I do feel grateful for these groups. Not feeling so alone these days

Have a great day

finallyawakenow 05/13/2020

You’re not alone. I will respond to your posts tonight. Working in my garden today.

Shell... 05/14/2020

You definitely not alone....I went to a couple of Codependent meetings...Im kind of shy....It was hard for me to talk out loud how I am feeling and what I'm going through. I also checked out a lot of websites. So far this one made me more at ease to open up.

urbangardener 05/14/2020

I may have been the one who used the phrase people pleasing. What I figured out was that I needed validation from others to feel okay about me. Validation means if they thought I was okay, or nice, or friendly, then I could feel okay about myself for being a good human being. My self value was tied up in what other's thought about me. So it led me to being a people pleaser so that others liked me, which made me think I felt good. I did things I didn't want to do because someone else wanted me to do it. At some point in reading The New Codependency or Codependent No More, I realized the problem was in how I viewed myself. I started a campaign that I would actively love myself first, be my own best friend. When I get upset or have problems, I try to say to myself "if I was my own best friend what would I do" or "what is best for me, what honors my own needs". This isn't always instinctive. Sometimes as children we are taught to cater to pleasing others or putting others above ourselves. This is not necessarily bad, it is good to be giving to others. But we have to learn to not give when giving is harmful to ourselves. Learn to like ourselves and value ourselves so we don't seek this validation from others. I have stopped overly doing and overly giving in secret hopes of having this validation because it is never enough. Outside validation is never enough. And this is something I frequently remind myself of because I have spent most of my life being this way and it has not served me well.

runnindog 05/14/2020

Thank you
u know, I've been In analysis of myself for going on 32 years now. I never truly saw myself as needing validation from others. As I look back through my life, being encompassed by depression,anxiety,suicidal thinking, blissful thoughts, and as well having an eating disorder,which I put into remission with cocaine (lol), I can see that my thoughts and feelings revolve around how I want others to view me.
Guess I got the message somehow when i was growing up, that I'm not good enough My dad was a bit of a hard ass. It's tough because the old man and I did not see eye to eye, and now I find myself quite a bit like him.
I am grateful for that, as he was impressive and a good man.
I feel that I do not need his validation, but would I like his spirit to shine down on me? YES I WOULD

thanks again you all for being you
have a wonderful day

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