Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have been in fear since my ex...who I thought I would marry and was the love of my life, broke up with me by telling me I am crazy and that I have a borderline personality and am bipolar etc etc.
Blaming myself for the failure of my relationship...all of the heartbreak...over a year of crying and making myself sick obsessing over how to get him back, etc, has brought me here. I am in fear that I am borderline and that part may be uncertain but....I know for a fact that I am deeply codependent. My codependency in my last relationship lead me to be oversensitive and to overreact to small things for fear of being rejected. I always, ALWAYS feared that he didnt love me as much as I loved him. I would create stupid fights if he didn't text me for an entire day, I would get gravely upset if he didn't want to cuddle with me in the morning. I drove myself...both of us insane.
I've been trying to explore the relationship between codependency and borderline. I have read a few posts by people here who have talked about being codependent in response to being raised by someone who is borderline...but is it possible to be both borderline AND codependent?
It has been SO painful going through this process, learning to acknowledge that my ex was right and learning to take responsibility for ruining my relationship...............
but I am on the path to getting better and I am searching for answers.
I have been trying to delve into my past and my family life. My relationship with my mother has constantly been strained since I can remember. We would have fights were she would push me away and not want to talk to me at all, or she would hurt me to the point of tears, and then five minutes later she would be coming up to me hugging and kissing me. She was always stubborn and oversensitive and ALWAYS judged me, mostly based on my appearance, demanding that I strive for perfection and always behave perfectly so as to not embarrass her or myself, instead of allowing me to be who I am and for allowing me to enjoy some of my passions (one of which is makeup...and oh boy did I hear a mouthful from her about how hideous I looked and how I wore too much makeup). She was always self medicating herself with alcohol, happy pills, etc. She had an eating disorder which I have inherited. She always seemed to judge others harshly, somehow believing the world was against her and it almost pained me to sit in the car with her and listen to her bitching and moaning about how disgusting everyone around her is. She always seemed to be judgmental...but despite these characteristics I knew she would do absolutely ANYTHING for me and my family and she still remains to be one of the most selfless and caring people I have ever met.
I feel that growing up with someone who I learned to both love intensely and also deeply hate has made me codependent in many ways....and I also feel that I have picked up a lot of her behaviors from being surrounded by her. I have had a similar relationship with my twin brother, who grew up using me as his punching bag, constantly hitting me and my mother, breaking things, hating every single person around him, emotionally abusing me, always "coming first" in my family before I did. My parents would call the cops on him multiple times because the amount of rage he had was unbearable. He also had addiction/self medicating issues and was in rehab..and still continues to smoke pot obsessively in order to feel better about his life. He is an extremely lonely person, has barely any friends, is very attached to my family, etc. I learned throughout my life to not only have to take responsibility for him and parent him, but also to take his blows and make nothing of them because, as my parents would say, "he is a sick child." My voice was often never heard, even after enduring a beating of some kind.
Despite dealing with this mess with my brother...I also love him SO much, and even if we argued or fought, I wanted to deeply take responsibility for him and help him heal and love him and forgive him and feel empathy for him and understand that despite his anger and rage and unhappiness toward his family that on the inside he was suffering more than any of us were.
What do I do with all of this? Could I be more like my twin brother and mother than I thought? How does codependency and borderline behavior play into all of this?
Thank you all so much for reading my story. Hugs to all of you
Blaming myself for the failure of my relationship...all of the heartbreak...over a year of crying and making myself sick obsessing over how to get him back, etc, has brought me here. I am in fear that I am borderline and that part may be uncertain but....I know for a fact that I am deeply codependent. My codependency in my last relationship lead me to be oversensitive and to overreact to small things for fear of being rejected. I always, ALWAYS feared that he didnt love me as much as I loved him. I would create stupid fights if he didn't text me for an entire day, I would get gravely upset if he didn't want to cuddle with me in the morning. I drove myself...both of us insane.
I've been trying to explore the relationship between codependency and borderline. I have read a few posts by people here who have talked about being codependent in response to being raised by someone who is borderline...but is it possible to be both borderline AND codependent?
It has been SO painful going through this process, learning to acknowledge that my ex was right and learning to take responsibility for ruining my relationship...............
but I am on the path to getting better and I am searching for answers.
I have been trying to delve into my past and my family life. My relationship with my mother has constantly been strained since I can remember. We would have fights were she would push me away and not want to talk to me at all, or she would hurt me to the point of tears, and then five minutes later she would be coming up to me hugging and kissing me. She was always stubborn and oversensitive and ALWAYS judged me, mostly based on my appearance, demanding that I strive for perfection and always behave perfectly so as to not embarrass her or myself, instead of allowing me to be who I am and for allowing me to enjoy some of my passions (one of which is makeup...and oh boy did I hear a mouthful from her about how hideous I looked and how I wore too much makeup). She was always self medicating herself with alcohol, happy pills, etc. She had an eating disorder which I have inherited. She always seemed to judge others harshly, somehow believing the world was against her and it almost pained me to sit in the car with her and listen to her bitching and moaning about how disgusting everyone around her is. She always seemed to be judgmental...but despite these characteristics I knew she would do absolutely ANYTHING for me and my family and she still remains to be one of the most selfless and caring people I have ever met.
I feel that growing up with someone who I learned to both love intensely and also deeply hate has made me codependent in many ways....and I also feel that I have picked up a lot of her behaviors from being surrounded by her. I have had a similar relationship with my twin brother, who grew up using me as his punching bag, constantly hitting me and my mother, breaking things, hating every single person around him, emotionally abusing me, always "coming first" in my family before I did. My parents would call the cops on him multiple times because the amount of rage he had was unbearable. He also had addiction/self medicating issues and was in rehab..and still continues to smoke pot obsessively in order to feel better about his life. He is an extremely lonely person, has barely any friends, is very attached to my family, etc. I learned throughout my life to not only have to take responsibility for him and parent him, but also to take his blows and make nothing of them because, as my parents would say, "he is a sick child." My voice was often never heard, even after enduring a beating of some kind.
Despite dealing with this mess with my brother...I also love him SO much, and even if we argued or fought, I wanted to deeply take responsibility for him and help him heal and love him and forgive him and feel empathy for him and understand that despite his anger and rage and unhappiness toward his family that on the inside he was suffering more than any of us were.
What do I do with all of this? Could I be more like my twin brother and mother than I thought? How does codependency and borderline behavior play into all of this?
Thank you all so much for reading my story. Hugs to all of you
Thank you for sharing. I know it is not fun to dig up these feelings, but I believe that it's an important step towards letting them go.
In my opinion, you should worry less about the labels. It sounds to me like your actions come more as reaction/copong to their behaviors than similar to their behaviors, but this is not my field. Keep moving forward and understand that it's not an overnight process. I'm confident you can find your way.