Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
so I've known for a while my husband is still getting high and still looking me in my face and lying like I'm stupid and I got severely fed up and called him out and he finally admitted that he's been getting high but he's still lying to me telling me he doesn't have anymore drugs that he did the last of it just 20 mins before I called him out.. how convenient and he still lying about where he got it from like I'm stupid and I'm so frustrated that most of me wanted to choke the shit out of him and pack my kids and my things and leave and move on to better things but for some odd reason I'm stupid and I'm still here. I will admit that the longer I stay the more numb I become and maybe that's why I stay is so I can become numb so it doesn't kill me when I finally leave him. I love him and I can't help loving him, I'm faithful to him regardless of all the shit he's done to me or rather his addiction has done to me, inside when he's sober he's so awesome.. I mean give u the world on a silver platter kind of awesome and sweet and everything a girl wants in a man but it never lasts and I'm slowly getting sucked into his black hole of misery and can't seem to get out. Being codependent sucks because if I leave I'm uprooting my children, court battles will ensue children will be impacted in such a way that my step son will end up living with his grandma if I leave because his moms on dope and strung out and when my husband and I are divorced he will be strung out too and that leaves my step son with no parents. I love this kid and I can't do that to him.right now I'm so lost and sad and angry and still paralyzed.
To do for yourself and your children. Thats the wisdom
Of alanon and connecting with other people that have
been In your shoes.
I was in alanon and therapy two years before he left i was
No longer a door mat. He was dry too. You need to build
Yourself up to make good strong decisions and not coming
from A place of fear.
I belong to an on line alanon group. Too. They will tell you the
Same things, go to meetings. You can look, read and post on
their alanon Board. Its called miracles in progress-alanon. I will
Link it for you.
http://alanon.activeboard.com/f94433/al-anon-family-group/
Alanon does not even really encourage you to leave. Its more
"All about you" and you getting better and stronger in yourself.
No matter what he is doing Or not doing. Hopefully he will seek
Sobriety, change and growth after Watching you for awhile and
want some too. That is the hope for the addict anyway.
I hope there is a nar-non in your area and if not alanon, HUGS
I have a degree and a master's degree, a good job but I cant walk away from this. Go get help for codependency. If you can afford therapy for you with a professional as well, get one. Good luck!!
We have a 15 year old son and I have also made excuses to stay because of my son. They will be just fine if we leave our marriage but we need to have a healthy mind before we make a change. Be strong! Big hugs.
and i was still a codependent. Same dance regardless.
To have a healthy marriage both need Self love onboard
and both have good strong healthy boundaries In place.
That was not my ex and I. I had weak boundaries with him
And both of us had carried/toxic shame.
He carried more shame than I did from his upbringing
He drank heavy from 12-24 then stopped, he had 4-5
Oui From 18-24.
We both had the same type of upbringings abusive
Mothers. His side more alcoholism, both with narcissism
And dysfunction.
All this stuff is a ball of wax alcoholism, addictions, abuse
Codependency, dysfunction. Even the addicts are codependents
Of some type most of the time anyway, many have narc traits.
You do need to get strong to get out and be okay, codependency
Is a bear to fight. It took me 18 months post divorce, no contact
And moving to finally detach from him.
Since you are with an active addict you need alanon or nar-non
Not CODA meetings. That would not be enough or address the
Issues at hand. HUGS
just your qualifier. Its a hard concept when You
are living in the disease and keep reacting to it.
It all takes time, most arrive at alanon on their
Knees and on bottom. I did so did many others.
I sat, listened, cried and absorbed for close to
Two years without barely speaking.
I kept going, Reading my literature and eventually
it all sank In. Working steps 1,2 and 3 are really
needed to move Ahead in the program then steps
4-12 when ready later On. Hopefully you find a good
Healthy sponsor to work with and to help you.
Its a spiritual program of inner growth, we learn
To love ourselves, accept ourselves, let go of
Perfectionism, stop any dysfunction, stop trying
To control and fix others, really letting go and living
in the moment.
There is so much to learn so you can reparent And
retrain yourself. Its daunting and time Consuming.
You do become very spiritual as you work the program
and grow into an emotionally And spiritually mature
adult.
Its pretty cool actually and it was long over due for
Me, i still have a long road ahead even though i am
Very spiritual. Its the emotional stuff thats so hard
To change so that you can grow, HUGS
you can't control his drugs. You can't be his conscience. You have to learn to take him as he is, or leave him as he is. But don't fluff around dreaming he's something else. he's not. he is who and what he is, right now, that's who he is.
This other thing is your fantasy. The actions maketh the man.
and bring the stepson with you.