Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi Everyone ..
I am currently in a relationship and have been for 10 years that is getting no where no matter what i do to 'fix' me. I love the connection but Have finally found the courage to admit it is codependant after he asked a few days ago for space once again. I have felt so ashamed for years for being needy and I avioded admitting I am codpentant to myself out of fear of not being worthy of love.
I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and an alcholic mother. Clinging onto one relationship to the next not wanting to let go out of fear of abandonment. Im in a place of loving the connection I have with my partner as we have so much in common but knowing that it is unhealthy.
Im here to shine awareness on my wound and begin to heal from the inside out ....
You said you love the connection you have with your partner but know it’s unhealthy. The connection isn’t unhealthy. I read somewhere that there is a difference between connection and attachment. If you guys connect that’s perfectly lovely. If you’re attached to that connection and need it, that’s where the unhealthiness comes in. So love the connection and learn not to be attached to it. Have the connection be something that you can enjoy and cherish and then detach to do something for yourself.
As the wise people told me here, you can’t “fix” yourself for your relationship. Fix yourself for yourself.
A bit of history …
We use to live together but I moved out about 4 years ago after he stated that he never really felt sexually attracted to me. I would approach him sexually and he would most of the times reject me. He said that I was not sexual in the ways he was use to. At the time when I left he was having an emotional affair trying to convince himself and me it was just a ‘friendship’. I never wanted to move out I just did thinking it would fix the situation. I became more clingy and he eventually went on a roadtrip for 9 months. When he came back we started seeing each other whilst he was still having the ‘friendship’ with the other woman. Eventually she blocked him knowing that he still wanted me in his life.
We did a Tantra workshop about 5 months ago. It helped us connect sexually for a little while but everytime we do now it brings up a lot of painful emotions for both of us to the point he pulls away. He doesn’t want to seek anymore help. I find it hard to just sit back and let him work out what he wants to do but it seems the only way to move forward.
I really feel not sexy most of the time when with him but I try to push having sex thinking that is the answer to our problems. I am constantly in my head trying to work out how to fix us.
It’s not easy and it’s continuous work but try to focus on healing yourself and detaching from him. Mlro told me about courage to change daily readings and they’ve been gold for me. I’m planning to go to an alanon meeting this weekend. Until then, I’m started journalling on the 12 steps and the 12 steps from the detachment article that was posted here.
Find resources and support. All the best.