Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
as i read the many postings i cant help but feel the need to explain something that i feel about being a code. sorta the stages as i see them associated with the age group we are in. i remember the passionate attachment to another as a younger person. i remember the letting go of expectations as my childern suffered when their dead beat fathers did not spend time with them. have really never had a problems with saying no to others that were asking me to do things that were to difficult or time consuming- except for my 2 ex hushands and one of my sisters. but i am pretty much over that. now the person that i live with i have no problem saying no to him or not acting in a way he expects if i dont want to. but this is the deal, i cant get my ass in gear and move on. somehow it feels safe. and am i to the point that i really dont expect much and dont expect to give much. i know that as hard as i work and the success that i have i should at best have a partner that provides more than a warm annoying body in the house. he is on disability, no drivers lisence, drinks mostly everyday all day on and off, and is about as interesting as a tree stump. we never talk about anything, we dont sleep together or have a sexaul relationship, and am not in the least attracted to his physical or mental attributes. i pay more to live here than he does, his room smells like alcohol, and watches game shows all day between beers with others that stop by to visit. so there is the summary of my title. i am still here because i am afraid to move on. miserable but comfortable. i have moments of clarity that i realized how much i want to change my life but then i slip back into denial. anyone experience this?
Best of luck to us!
I know what you're talking about. I understand the fear & the potential issues around leaving. I also understand the feeling of how wasted your life is if you stay...so what about something in between?
You can't change him. It sounds like you don't want to put anymore of your precious energy into fixing the relationship...so what if you got to work building your own life, outside the relationship? I'm not talking about looking for someone else or dating...just pursuing some interests & hobbies of your own & getting out with some female friends & building a community of support around you.
If the person you're with is, in some way, your everything, of course you can't leave because it's terrifying to think you'll lose everything all at once. But if he is just one piece of a life that has 6 parts, you will be that much more likely to find yourself able to go at some point.