I say you are fortunate to have such an option.

I have nothing but AA groups in my area and I went to several of them and I like AA and I like the members but it just does not work for me.

I would say the CoDA group and the Al-Anon groups depend on who is there and how they conduct the meetings, as some are better than others.

Each Al-Anon meeting will be slightly or largely different and one has to go there to know for certain.

The same is true of CoDA groups that some are better than others.

The CoDA groups I have been too long ago were strictly based on the AA model and I just do not like it that way.

A codependent has needs that are far different then an alcoholic needs, and so in group the alcoholic needs to sit quiet while letting each person speak, but us codependent people need to be given the direct oportunity to express our own feelings regarding everything said or done in the group, and the AA model does not do that.

I thought about starting a CoDA group in my area but I would find it difficult to explain why the national CoDA org rules do not apply so we could let everyone do it the better way. That troubles me.

The CoDA group in your area might be great but you must check it out your self.

They address many same issues, albeit in different words. I think it is all in how good the meeting is. Especially useful are members with a lot of recovery. In general, I have found more depth in Al-Anon meetings, but if the CoDA meeting has been around for a while, that's good too.

What you DON'T want is a group that is a pity party. There is no recovery there: we are responsible.


I don't know that there is any rule about the way meetings need to be conducted. I do not recall any such Tradition.

i've never been to a coda meeting but i attend several different alanon meetings regularly. the meetings i go to are based on the twelve steps and twelve traditions which are pretty much the same as aa, but we are also able to talk about whatever topic we choose.

From my own personal experience, I have found that Al-anon has been better for me in my own recovery. I think its understood that with Coda its hard to follow all the "guidelines" to ensure that EVERYONE is comfortable there. I have found that the coda meetings around me are awkward because everyone is trying to uphold to these guidelines. Also I have found and heard on numerous occasions that coda sometimes uses its recoverybased theme. Anyways, what I do is I get as many al-anon meetings in and also work my codependency self help stuff as well. That has put me in a great spot. Al-anon is pretty much a coda group except for the fact that our friends and family have been affected by alcohol. I say, in my opinion, it doesn't matter to me if alcohol, drugs, or whatever brought me to whatever meeting works, just as long as I can get the help I need, Ill do it. And for me Al-anon works better than coda.

WIth that said, I guess All i would have had to say is that I would recommend going to Al-anon in the down time from Coda. The more meetings you can make are better. When looking for an Al-anon group, I suggest, That you look for one that is more solutionbased. SOme programs have the best intentions but the group itself is more problem talkative, Ya Know?

What ever the program you wanna work, i suggest too, ( the last time cuase Im getting better on what one should do, lol) that you get a sponsor. I am in the process of getting a new sponsor and I think it will help me out greatly

I attend both Al-Anon and CoDA meetings regularly (a total of three or four a week in combination), and like others have said, a lot depends on the strength of the meeting and the recovery depth of its members. I think Al-Anon is a stronger program and better equiped to deal with codependency than CoDA is, primarily because the focus is on my own responsibility for my discomfort, not trying to get others to change to accomodate my dysfunction. The victim mentality is tolerated a lot more in CoDA because everyone is trying to be nice and liked by everyone, whereas in Al-Anon, there is more willing to confront privately behavior that perpetuates codependent behavior. At the same time, CoDA does a better job of helping the newcomer identify what behaviors are codependent. That's my experience.

Wow I am really surprised by what I'm hearing about CoDA. I go to two CoDA meetings a week, and also go to online meetings. There is absolutely no victim mentality tolerated at my meetings at all. What you say about "trying to change others" is exactly what CoDA is teaching us NOT to do. That is the basis of coda, learning to change yourself and not others.

I have had several people suggest al-anon to me as an alternative. One of my groups has about 40 members and at least 30 attend regularly. the other is much smaller, maybe a dozen members that come most of the time. The larger of my two groups has been active since 1994.
The thing is, even when I read some of the coda literature I have a hard time relating to things when they start talking about "the alcoholic in your life" and that kind of stuff. There isn't much of it, but there is some. If I went to Al-Anon, that seems to be what the whole focus is. It is all about someone else in your life that screwed you up.
I have never been in a relationship with an alcoholic. I had a very disfunctional childhood that had nothing to do with addictions to any substance. I want to learn how to act in a way that is not codependent - not manicpulative, not blaming, not expecting others to save me in any way.

Is that what they do in AlAnon? I feel like I wouldn't fit in thbere, like I wouldn't be accepted. I see a lot of meetings around here that are labeled as "closed". There are no closed coda groups. Anyone can come.

I guess that was the biggest difference to me.

I think both programs are helpful, which is why I go to both. There are very few closed meetings in Alanon, mostly just for women or just for men.

I recommend you check at least six meetings out to find one that fits for you. They are all different and have different "flavors". The message is the same in both. We cannot change others, only ourselves. Our codependency (the need to fix, manipulate, be a martyr or manage others) is the topics of discussion in both programs with an emphasis on a spiritual solution to this dilemma of unresolved hurts from childhood.

Hugs,

Grace
Hope that helps,

Grace