Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
had my SO leave while son and wife and grandbabies were at our house and it was the best decison for all. we had a good time. but he is really depressed about it and feeling neglicted and that it was not fair. trying to detach from him and not feel bad about it. of course he is telling everyone about it and how unfair it was. but another posting i read last night was talking about the consequences of bad behavior that do include others not wanting to be around the person that acts like a 2 year old. and that the seasons messages are to love all and take care of them and be like Jesus. but i did the best thing by getting him out of the house and it reallly reduced my stress level. but feel like if i let him he will try to make me feel guilty and that he was treated unfair. cant let this happen. anyone else have similar situation over christmas? would like to see how other coped with family and family problems. thanks
So your SO is trying to convince you that your decision was not fair? Try to remember- just because he says it is unfair does not automatically make it unfair. It seems to me that he is putting all the blame for this situation onto you and not taking any responsibility for the bad behaviour on his part that led to you making that decision in the first place? It's like he is trying to get YOU to feel HIS guilt so that he can avoid having to feel it?
I myself am just so glad that the pressure and madness of Christmas is over for another year. Haha, that is how I am coping, by reminding myself that it is over for another year and I have a whole year to learn more about how to deal with it all in an emotionally healthy way next year... I dealt with it better this year than last year and will deal with it even better again next year...
I too appreciated the comment about consequences, and how, as codependents, we are forever trying to protect others from what they themselves have put in motion.
What I learned from an analogous situation is that they tend to be okay, however they scream and yell and rage about "unfairness" and our "coldness." We suffer more than they do, I think, from the aftermath.
But once they see that you mean it, and once you see that they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves...it does get easier. Like toddlers, they start to figure out that they have choices about how to behave, and the responsibility for these choices is theirs alone.
Great work...stay strong!