Turn and face the strange......

So for approximately the last year I have come to this site and aired some grievances I was having with my job. I am so grateful for this site for that and the people who walked me thru my journey, not allowing me to BS myself about anything that I could empower myself to change within in order to change the overall situation. I used and leveraged all advice, changed my methodology of communication, work tatics and stayed in complete awareness of what was mine to own in this situation.

While onsite in NJ for my job (I traveled ALOT for work). I finally hit a wall, when for the last time, I was harassed all week by the PM's on this project and used as an 'example' as they put it, to publicly shame me in front of co-workers for something that was a) a punishment that didn't fit the crime b) the PM jumped to conclusions and the other manager didn't step in to correct him as it was her that I had been reporting to and communicating with, so instead of saying "no she and i discussed this" and instead sat there allowing me to be publicly verbally assaulted.......for the 4th and final time this week.

I.QUIT.MY.JOB.

I have no plan, I have limited funds, I have no idea why yesterday was the day, except that my soul was dying on the vine and continuing the status quo was not going to work anymore. I was literally feeling myself dying and potentially going to go into a self harm mode because of the things I was enduring due to this job. By self harm I mean potentially going to turn to drinking, I have had more urges to drink in the last year than I have had in the last 10 years of my sobriety.......I was also seeing major depressive behavior; staying in bed all day, eating to self comfort (I gained probably 20lbs in the last year), buying/shopping to make myself feel better, no motivation, no happiness, anxiety, insomnia, fear of going to the workplace as I never knew what I was going to walk into.....it was terrible.

I couldn't continue to suck an egg, I couldn't humble myself any further in the ground, I couldn't continue to forfeit my life for this company due to the workloads and travel schedule, I couldn't continue to be harassed and belittled, I couldn't continue to have no room to negotiate work terms that would work for me, I couldn't continue to be pushed to the point of quitting (as many have said it sounded like they were pushing for)...so I did it.

I hope that people know that I just walked away from everything habit I have embedded in me, I did a change, I flipped my life on its ear, I did a 180 degree change.......I have always been the person who suits up and shows up, I am the person who is always a team player, I am the one who is the 'cheerleader', I am the one who despite every harassing situation has just bit my tongue and went ahead and did my work.....but the buck stopped yesterday.

I have finally turned the page on bad habits, feeding into lowering my self worth for the sake of $$, bending over backwards and losing my sanity and life, being mistreated and bounced around like a piece of trash........I just empowered myself, put my faith in the universe and said......CHANGING directions is the only way to save myself.

I chose me. I chose the hard road. I chose the hard choice. I chose it, and if it was all a mistake....it is all mine!

My soul is singing because I chose my soul and myself for the first time yesterday....it is the scariest good feeling I have ever had.

I have no clue where this is leading me....but i certainly hope people know that if you want to change anything in your life.....it can be done.

But the first thing to remember is it a choice.