Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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caught up in his neediness

Loved1
Loved1
I went and saw my ex, thinking I could help, got drawn into a full day of just getting some communication out of the way and some closure and some reattatchment, so a day out of a month we spent together. I get some strength back ans see I don't like the person I am with him because I am not feeling supported or encouraged since he is so bad off and it's just like, stop trying to effect any change whatsoever and stop getting caught up in his neediness, he is in some ways not as bad off as he says, and I did offer the support I could but got sucked down in the process. I don't want to be in a situation I am not proud of. I don't want to be w/ someone who is not good for me overall, though I am encouraging him to be better, it is not up to me to change the man. Oh God please help me! I'm not making it any easier on him by leading him on when I truly don't know what I'm doing, yes I love him and have history w/ him and it's our 1 yr anniversary week and he is my friend and companion, my social life needs filling and my self esteem needs help, and he has been mean to me. It felt good to hear apologies and accountability, it's like I see his sweet side again but his despondent side is just grueling.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's over. Let him go. You cannot be his friend now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I swear I was getting on this site tonight to write pretty much the same entry you just did. That's why this place is so wonderful- you get to talk with people who are going through the exact same thing.
mgs1
mgs1
Someone once said to me - " you are not in love with who he is, you are in love with who you thought he was." That is probably the most profound thing anyone ever said to me. It is true of most relationships. We keep trying to change people into what we thought they were, or what we think they could be. It is human nature and it is self-destructive. Holding this thought has saved me from getting into toxic and unhealthy relationships.
STAY STRONG.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I thought I had made the break. THen his father died and I had an overwhelming need to be wiht him...even more so, for him to need me, then when he didnt I was crushed...I pushed to spend time with him, he rejuected, and I pushed some more..then I started to come to my senses and pull back and he responded...I know, this all sounds so typical. Now here I am, in a situation I dont know why I put myself in, with someone I love, we have history and three kids, but who I do not like and am not in love with and who is mean to me whenever it suits him. I guess all I am saying is that situations, where you feel they need you, can suck you into something that you know in your head is not right, dont follow your heart, your heart is being swept away by the situation, not love by or for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You said a powerful word.."oh god help me" I had plenty of history with my ex..but it only got progressively worse over time..He needs to dothis on his own...you cant save him..for me i needed to suffer the pain of withdrawal and really start to keep the focus on me and not everyone else..your in the right place..keep coming back
Loved1
Loved1
Thanks for all the great feedback. Today would be our 1 year anniversary (as byfrnd-girlfrnd). I suggested dinner "maybe" even though we're not back together, this day of communication was a "date". Now I'm seeing there is not alot of point, he is not honest and I can't change him, I can only accecpt him as he is. Anyway without honesty there is no communication or relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
nice...glad your identifing...big step...congrats
james
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