Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
arghhhh....I can't believe that after all my hard work, I have spent the whole entire day wrapped up in my sister's and mothers drama's. I spent the day coaxing my sister's kid in to going to school...chatting with her teachers, head etc... putting a plan of action in place....only to watch it all fall on to deaf ears when my sister finally returned home!...to caught up in her own self pity to deal with her own kid....happy to just say that I should take her, that she couldn't handle her.... and I would because I love my niece but I'm meant to be detatching from my family and letting them sort out their own problems. Then I spent an hour listening to my mother cry,shout and blame everything on everyone but herself...how crap her life is, how we (her grown up kids) don't care about her, neglect her (I visit twice a day, every day)...and on and on with no care or consideration for my daughter who was in the room or actually any consideration for me, who was exhausted by this point...then she followed it up with a phone call, yelling and screaming....and it's like this every 5 days...if things get calm, a family member kicks off.
And I fall into the same trap...negotiating, trying to sooth, solve the problems...and my life stops because I'm doing or dealing with crazy people.
And I fall into the same trap...negotiating, trying to sooth, solve the problems...and my life stops because I'm doing or dealing with crazy people.
I am still dealing with this with two siblings, because I sometimes do feel guilty about how much I have moved away and detached from them. For my own peace of mind, though, I needed to do it. I do not like the chaos and drama. So, I have really limited my communication and interaction.
It is harder with parents, no doubt, but it might be time to set some boundaries with your Mom. You do not have to take that kind of abuse nor subject your daughter to it. It is really tough to say it, no doubt, but you might want to consider telling her that you want a relationship, but you are not going to be yelled at any more and you are not going to listen to it. Then, key point, you have to do it. You have to tell her you are hanging up if she starts in on you or physically leave if she does it in person.
I just did this for the first time at Easter. My usual would have been to sit and take the invective being hurled at me. Instead, I got up and left the room. Every time it started, I removed myself. It felt pretty good to take care of me that way, I must say.
Good Luck!
Shar