i have kept myself in a dead heat for months since the death of my sister, niece, aunt, and a failing and stressful relationship. i am able to cherish the good days but then seems like i have an awful time. we can try push our feeling so far below but our unhapppiness and the ugly truth is always there. i have been having so many frustrating dreams that wake me up early and takes me awhile to go back to sleep. these dreams are always about feeling trapped, in the mist of conflict, stressful situations, and very unsettling. i usually cant remember the exact dream but the feeling is there and it haunts me as i try toget back to sleep. feel stressed when i get up and alot of headaches.
i dread coming home to SO and feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. he is always sitting on the couch probably on his second drunk after sleeping off the first round. the atmopshere is suffocating. think about doing something else but nothing to do. live in a rural area and its depressed economically. the only peace i find is drinking some beer and taking my xanax and going to bed to start it all over again. think about going to a bar as i will see someone that i know as it is a small town but so stressed out after work that i dont want to make small talk.
so my plan is to stop working so much and finding positive things to do. i have not been giving myself time to relax and read and just be in the moment. running away from what i dont want to deal with is causing me alot of depression and stress.
any comments or suggestions appreciated really just a mess and depressed. i did call a councelor and will start soon i hope.