Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am about to lose my girlfriend to this and I can't seem to stop.
She is doing a few things wrong, but who is perfect? I know I mess up here and there. But I seem to blow stuff out of proportion. I keep trying to sabotash my RELATIONSHIP, because truly I'm afraid that this person does not feel like I feel. And wont go the distance I go, so I hold these grudges lately... and I just want to be normal. I feel so freaking crazy. Im a recovering drug addict,who has terrible anxiety and I can't seem to find my way in life.
I haven't used this site in about a year, but now I have been on it more religiously. MY dad is 110% this way. Although I didn't grow up with him my whole life, I've been with him from 18-22.
And Honestly, I feel like I'm a schitZO (sry 4 spelling) or maybe split personality?
I use to be this guy who didn't care what anyone thought, and was outing going and just did what I wanted.
Now Im this guy who cares what everyone thinks of me. ANd let all these scum bags walk all over me because I need that feeling of acceptance.
I feel like I am killing my own relationship with this beautiful girl who always lets me use her car, gives me rides. ANd does alot for me.
Yes I try very hard to spoil her back, but I just seem to get angry at her in my head. I dont obv tell her, because I feel like im wrong after reading about this. I cook full time, do both our laundry, take her out weekly, do dishes, clean, ect...
I give her a break because she works and goes to school full time.
The 1st 5 months she has motivated me so much. To want to be on her level. And yet now, this once great motivation... Seems to change to anger, and I am snapping here and there. She was having a bad day yesterday, and I tried very hard to make her happy. Take her out, ect.. She wanted nothing.
Went out myself while she did home work and when I came back, she didnt jump up to kiss me, or talk to me. her conversation was 1 word answers, and when I was trying to get her to open up she rolled over and went to sleep.
SO I said, okay... I give up on you, sleep alone. And left the room for the night.
ajgnakfml;as,flmalg;mal; blah
She is doing a few things wrong, but who is perfect? I know I mess up here and there. But I seem to blow stuff out of proportion. I keep trying to sabotash my RELATIONSHIP, because truly I'm afraid that this person does not feel like I feel. And wont go the distance I go, so I hold these grudges lately... and I just want to be normal. I feel so freaking crazy. Im a recovering drug addict,who has terrible anxiety and I can't seem to find my way in life.
I haven't used this site in about a year, but now I have been on it more religiously. MY dad is 110% this way. Although I didn't grow up with him my whole life, I've been with him from 18-22.
And Honestly, I feel like I'm a schitZO (sry 4 spelling) or maybe split personality?
I use to be this guy who didn't care what anyone thought, and was outing going and just did what I wanted.
Now Im this guy who cares what everyone thinks of me. ANd let all these scum bags walk all over me because I need that feeling of acceptance.
I feel like I am killing my own relationship with this beautiful girl who always lets me use her car, gives me rides. ANd does alot for me.
Yes I try very hard to spoil her back, but I just seem to get angry at her in my head. I dont obv tell her, because I feel like im wrong after reading about this. I cook full time, do both our laundry, take her out weekly, do dishes, clean, ect...
I give her a break because she works and goes to school full time.
The 1st 5 months she has motivated me so much. To want to be on her level. And yet now, this once great motivation... Seems to change to anger, and I am snapping here and there. She was having a bad day yesterday, and I tried very hard to make her happy. Take her out, ect.. She wanted nothing.
Went out myself while she did home work and when I came back, she didnt jump up to kiss me, or talk to me. her conversation was 1 word answers, and when I was trying to get her to open up she rolled over and went to sleep.
SO I said, okay... I give up on you, sleep alone. And left the room for the night.
ajgnakfml;as,flmalg;mal; blah
Your GF is chasing the money, and that's fine, but, as you can see, it takes a lot out of her. It sucks that we can't make money doing something SPIRITUAL...or maybe we can.
Ever considered training to be a massage therapist? Thought about getting into it myself. Buddy of mine is a recovered drug addict and he does it for a living. Have no idea what the financial potential is...I suppose if you market yourself correctly and get in with a ritzy chiropractor, could be a substantial income.
On your feet all day, but a certain amount of fulfillment in pressing other people's flesh, drawing out their inner spirit, making them feel better, when THEY'RE stressed because they're chasing money. Exchange of energy. I get a massage once every other week and it feels incredibly good. I asked the massage therapists if it feels good to them too, and they said yes. It's a workout on their part, but it feels really good. Feeling good's what it's all about...naturally...without controlled substances. Natural high. Endorphin rush.
I work out twice a week too and ride bicycle a few miles a day. Feels incredible. What do you do for exercise?
Working on it -_-
My list would be
Gym teacher
Coach
Math teacher
Councling(mostly to learn and give back)
Aminal Behavior
I messed up when I was 18, I screwed up my financial aid. I don't have credit, also messed that up.
No car
My goals are
1# save for a point A to point B car
#2 School
#pursue my dream as a teacher, and hopefully become a teacher in sports also (coach) part time
I know it's not real realistic, especially where I live. Buffalo NY.
But in the south there is a lot of schools hiring for any kinds of teacher.
I'd be willing to move. I never really posted where I was at in my life, guess you're right... im more focused on my gf.
Mostly because I care too much, it's a curse... blah
Yeah.. to be honest, I'd be content with helping around the house and having a better job. We try to meet 50 / 50 on money and work.
She might be going for doctor degree. But it's not about the money with her. SHe wants to change the world, or be remembered she told me. Animinal behavior. I don't think it's a huge paying field. Did some research, most end up being a teacher if they get 8 years under their belt and can't find that special job.
Massage therapist seems pretty cool too. Would actually be an intresting job to look into. Ha.. might as well look into it. We usually relax 1-2 a week and try to massage each other. Obv, just winging it. Wonder how much better a proffessional one feels.
Thanks again for the input... This is what I do when Im bored at my dead end job.
Sitting in a kioski outside in buffalo NY. Waiting for a car rental to return, so i can scan it and give the person a reciept... good times
One single step can lead to another and another, until you are sprinting and then running towards your own life of joy and fulfillment. The choice is always yours to make.
Wishing you wellness and peace.
Wmay
Once it's over, I will be able to save more, and work more. Buy a cheap car, and then my next step is to go back to school.
Have your "self" a happy wonderful day.
Cheers
WMay
I applaud you for putting this out there. It is not an easy struggle, to recover from drugs and then to realize underneath it all is still codependency. It is so tough sometimes. The great thing is, it is the way to freedom. The only way I know how to go forward, is complete love and acceptance of self. And the thing is, In my case, there was soo much hurt when I stopped using my drug of choice that it was tough for a long time. I had to see what was under there, and it was just a frightened, traumatized child. My drug of choice was inappropriate or over enmeshed relationships with men who were addicts.
Your story is very familar to me. None of the guys thought they had the problem, it was always 'me', though I was the one who constantly did the caretaking. Now that I stepped out from all those relationships for a while and have a year of going to CODA meetings (life savers) and got out of one that was starting to get a little too intense, I realize that I have to fix myself before I can EVEN begin to get into a healthy relationship.
I wish you the best, and CODA meetings help TREMENDOUSLY.
- Red.