Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Which I immediately took exception to.
She spoke of "knowing people like that". She spoke of people falling in love with their therapists, or falling in love with their doctors. Like everything else I've read about codependency, that's definitely not me. I don't fall in love easily and I don't fall in love with hardly anyone. But when I do fall in love, I fall hard. So I definitely belong in the breakups and divorce group. But I probably don't belong here. It is belittling to me to tell me that I don't love someone and that I'm just "codependent". That her daughter never loved me even though she told me so a thousand times.
Maybe I am codependent. My therapist said I'm "dependent" because I put all my eggs in one basket and don't "leave my options open". To do that would feel like sin to me. I'm a monogamous person. I give my heart away completely. Except now I can't move on. It's not dependency, it's love. I'm sick of being told it's wrong not to let go of someone you love because their feelings changed. Their feelings changed, they can change back. And yeah, I can't waste another four years of my life getting over them like I did the last one, and that explains somewhat why I'm here. I say I'm feeling "okay" but I'm not okay. I'm going crazy from having lost my best friend, my soulmate, my sister, *titles titles*.
If "codependent" is society's way of describing loyal, faithful, loving people who have trouble getting "over it", then color me guilty and proudly so.
She spoke of "knowing people like that". She spoke of people falling in love with their therapists, or falling in love with their doctors. Like everything else I've read about codependency, that's definitely not me. I don't fall in love easily and I don't fall in love with hardly anyone. But when I do fall in love, I fall hard. So I definitely belong in the breakups and divorce group. But I probably don't belong here. It is belittling to me to tell me that I don't love someone and that I'm just "codependent". That her daughter never loved me even though she told me so a thousand times.
Maybe I am codependent. My therapist said I'm "dependent" because I put all my eggs in one basket and don't "leave my options open". To do that would feel like sin to me. I'm a monogamous person. I give my heart away completely. Except now I can't move on. It's not dependency, it's love. I'm sick of being told it's wrong not to let go of someone you love because their feelings changed. Their feelings changed, they can change back. And yeah, I can't waste another four years of my life getting over them like I did the last one, and that explains somewhat why I'm here. I say I'm feeling "okay" but I'm not okay. I'm going crazy from having lost my best friend, my soulmate, my sister, *titles titles*.
If "codependent" is society's way of describing loyal, faithful, loving people who have trouble getting "over it", then color me guilty and proudly so.
It sounds to me like you're suffering alot of pain from a break up and are struggling to come to terms with it. You obviously put alot of energy and emotion into your relationships. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, you are willing to risk being vulnerable with another human being.. unfortunately this can lead to hurt but we can also learn from that. Give yourself time but give the lady in question space would be my advice. work on yourself for a while and see what comes up.
When my therapist first said i am codependent i was confused , i was debating with her i am fine its other people who have problems... it takes sincere love towards self to rotate the pointed finger at others to self... when i did that my denisl wale was removed... every time i accepted what i was feeling and behaving things got clearer.
I am really sorry for the pain and loss you are dealing with. As daisydip said, you have to decide if you are codependent or not. And honestly, I sometimes think, "Who isn't?" For some of us (like me) the traits of codependency interfere with life, which is why I am here.
Shar