Hello,

Boundaries, as always, seems to be a core issue in codependency around which everything revolves. This is my perspective on it.  I almost watered this down, but I think codependents have a tendency to apologize for stating our opinions, and this is probably culturally ingrained and reinforced for many of us, not only those of us with codependent traits.

I've been setting boundaries with friends.  I've been declining coming to virtual hangouts because of the way it makes me feel.  I used to think making decisions based on how I feel/felt was invalid, but I'm learning that it's not invalid.  I used to regard feelings as 'weak' and 'just feelings' but they actually are really good information.

I generally get tired of people if I find my energy gets drained or there is a lot of complaining.  I got together with one friend, individually, which was better, rather than the whole group.  I am pretty sensitive to others' energy, so it's good I think to take certain people in small doses.  This person is pretty much my best friend, but, she is very high strung.  There is a lot to be worried about in the world currently, so I can see why people worry and panic, but you can't exist in this frame of mind all of the time.   I know I can't.

When we went for our walk she started obsessing about the vaccine. She is against it.  It really is not very pleasant conversation, but I understand.  I am scheduled to get it, but this is a private, personal choice.  I don't care to debate it, or be talked out of it by fear-mongering.  And, I resent the implication-that I am being told what to do.  Therefore, it's a boundary.  I regard choices like this as private and personal, kind of like money, sex, politics, etc. to an extent.  She invited me to join a "vaccine opinion group/panel" with the rest of our friend group.  I said no, that I would take a pass.  She also invited me to join a "wellness group," where it is just people raging and complaining about their health.  I said no thank you to this too.  My phone has been blowing up with group texts from them for the past year from them and it's relentless. I turned the notifications off.

I think, for me, when I start to feel a twinge of discomfort, or my energy level goes down, or I feel rattled, that is a sign that my boundaries may be crossed.  Those lines are different for everyone.  What may rub one person the wrong way may not with another-someone else might love to be in a vaccine opinion group.  I don't.  I just think it's going to be a forum for the imposition of others' opinions, and well, more control.  And, to be honest, I truly don't care about others' opinions and what they do. Even IF we are close friends-my friends are separate entities entitled to their own choices.  It's their lives. Adults are free to make their own decisions. Who cares what they do or why as long as they are not hurting others or being destructive. 

Just wanted to air these thoughts. So often in my codependency issues, having lived with an abuser, controller and dominator, I never was allowed to share my opinions or have thoughts, to the point I lost them completely.  To me, a relationship/friendship is more than just constant debate (which feels like conflict).  Some times I just want to relax and enjoy people's company and discuss pleasant things, and not be wrapped up with these extremely heavy topics.  It's not fun, and to me part of being friends is hanging out and having fun. That's my boundary.  There's a time and a place for everything.