DS has a forum for this disorder- you may find help there.

My mother, according to me, has BPD.

You can PM me if you like after you check out that forum.

Hugs. It's difficult, I know.

Hi Sedgwick, My Mother had Borderline Personality Disorder. It is one of the worst mental illnesses to deal with. Black and White Thinking, they view their family as saints, until any little thing you do, makes them treat you as slightly worse than Charles Manson, very self-centered, no sympathy or empathy with anyone. Narcissistic beyond belief. Will never think they are wrong, or say they are sorry. I was an only child and because I wanted to have children, my Mother walked out of my life without any contact. I tried for 5 years to figure this out....since she said "I was Her Life". What it boiled down to was if I had children.....I got a life.....and could not constantly be at her beck and call and trying to solve all her melodrama. Once, when I tried to re-up the relationship, she drove 2 1/2 hours to my house threatening to burn it down with my kids inside.
If you are dealing with this my sympathy and by all means....start to protect your sanity.......because they will make you insane. Co-dependent Crazy ( I have an I phone app also Co-dependent Crazy)

There are many types of PD... borderdine, histrionic, narcissistic...

They are all very difficult to deal with since these people have very little insight about their view of the world being skewed.

The best is to stay calm, articulate boundaries and hold to them. Don't try to explain or reason. Just enforce the consequences when they violate your rules. If they can't handle that, best to start making a plan to retreat from the relationship.

Hugs.

Well if they are aware of thier disorder are in couseling or groups to deal with it than i would feel better about the relationship and supporting that person. There are varrying degrees often. I know of one with this disorder in my recovery group and she is able to remorseful and empathetic yes struggles with black and white thinking and works in that constantly. Sometimes it takes her a while to see it so if you run into that be patient. Don't argue or reason it won't help. Get informed so you can be informed. Best of luck.

Hi Sedgewick - You are in a really difficult position because I feel like people with Borderline Personality Disorder kind of just feed into the codependent's issues. They make us feel so needed and loved and then so worthless and stupid if we do something they don't like - and that something can change from day to day! The whole thing about BPD is that they have a different sense of reality that is very often worlds apart from our own. They need this sense of reality to make sense of their world - and narcissism is a big part of their reality. I don't mean that they are solely narcissistic, but for some reason they have developed this sense of narcissism in order to make life work for them. When their loved one does something that shatters their reality (like create a boundary or take a stand) they really just freak out and have to try to figure out how to put their reality back together again. You are the mirror in which their world makes sense. So if you stop reflecting back to them what they want to believe about their reality, it causes big problems. That's where the unhealthy part comes in - life become so little about you, and all about them. I agree with Deli that you have to make boundaries - but understand that this will not be well received - it is still worth it. I also agree with heartsad that it is treatable, but getting the person to the point where they understand they need to be treated is really the hardest part of all. Good luck to you - you can do it!

Thank you all. My wife suffered abuse as a child and displays many borderline characteristics. When she ok things are good but she will take the smallest sleight and treat it as the biggest offense. She has done it with me with her friends and now is having conflict with our 13 year old daughter. As I get confused because of the variation in her moods. It is very tiring.

After an incident, my wife will apologize, but she does not recognize that she should control her emotions in the first place.

My take on this is if she's an abuse sufferer, this is NOT borderline!

She's developed CPTSD and is in a triggered state, reliving her cycle of abuse.

I say that because I was there, too, but I got better with therapy.

True borderlines are different...

I can elaborate if you want.

I agree with Deliannem. There can be elements that look like BPD, but with a traumatic background, you are likely dealing more with ptsd which causes a lot of these behaviours. PTSD (especially when there has been chronic abuse) is very difficult to treat/deal with & there aren't many therapists that are qualified...it is a specialty really.