I have this problem and for me I would think everything I did was either good or bad right or wrong no grey area.

I use creative expression when I can't make sense of my thoughts. My favorite is collages, I just sit with some music cut and paste. When I sit back I am amazed at the connections I find--not sure if its your style maybe coloring or drawing ( i doodle haha) --the idea being just getting it out of you in some form--not sure exactly why it works but it has for me--happy creating.

Black and white thinking is a big problem for me. or i should say how I was raised. U do things one way or another. My mother is upset with me often because I haven't made the same choices she did. therefore I am doing things wrong and unaceptable. But I feel I am doing a good job. things are not easy in life and what someone else feels is right may be good for them but not you. YOU have to work with what is best for u. The way I look at it is that God did not make a black and white rainbow. there are many colors to it and shades in between. THE RAINBOW is beautiful and without all the colors it would not be such a special sight. embrace being different and having your own thoughts and ideas. If it works dont change it if you need to change it up don't be afraid to try to make it better. We are human and aloud to make mistakes and learn from them. Smile and LOVE who you are.

I can't remember where I posted this a while back.. And I can't remember where I got the following list (it was one of my PTSD books). But it's a good list to survey when I'm struggling and want to understand if my thinking is distorted.

Basically the idea is that we all have automatic thoughts. They're our knee-jerk reaction to things that happen every day. We need to learn to trust our insticts, but we also need to be aware of "distorted" automatic thoughts. Things that a survivor or a codep might have found as a valuable coping mechanism at one time, but are really dysfunctional and cause more problems than they solve today.

Here's the list. Hope it provides some food for thought.


Sometimes our automatic thoughts are distorted:

1. Flaw fixation - Focusing on the flaw even in the face of other more positive context
2. Dismissing the Positive - Being too humble and dismissive of our strengths and positive accomplishments
3. Assuming - Mind Reading ("they're probably mad at me for doing X"), Jumping to Conclusions, Fortune Telling (predicting a negative outcome).
4. Catastrophizing - Making things much worse than they are
5. All-or-none Thinking -- Thinking in extremes that create arousal and often lower self-esteem
6. Shoulds (must/aughts) -- I should have done something better/differently
7. Making Feelings Facts -- Thinking that your feelings represent reality
8. Overgeneralizing -- "I can't do anything right."
9. Abusive Labeling -- "I'm a loser."
10. Personalizing -- Seeing yourself as more responsible or involved than you really are
11. Blaming -- Puts it all on something outside of yourself
12. Unfavorable Comparisons -- Magnify another's strengths and your weaknesses
13. Regrets -- "If only.."

thanks for the postings and like the automatic thinking posts. revealing. she said that i think that i have to do this or that and no grays. just still dont understand this and need to think about it some more and work on it. just not sure that i think only in black or white. but she hit a nerve which means that i need to think about this and try to figure it out

You might find it useful to google Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy and Albert Ellis. He wrote lots of books on REBT and it deals a lot with the things on Glasshouse's list, I have found his stuff very useful and his books and his attitude are pretty entertaining and inspiring.