Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
The hardest thing I am finding is how to 'balance' myself and my feelings. Every time I feel like I've got myself on an even level I get shaken up again. It's not helped by the constant phone calls from my mother and sisters house to get involved in their drama's-it's like they feel its my job to be screamed at and abused and that for some reason if they are unhappy then i should be too. This morning i had the day off work and at 8am i get a call from my niece saying she hates her mum, won't get on the school bus and will only go to school if i will drive over to her house and then drive her to school. I love my niece and recognise that she's a kid who is unhappy-but my sister had just gone off to work and decided to leave the problem to me. I felt my boundaries being crossed (she's your kid, you should be sorting this, not me, I deserve a rest,I dont ask you to sort my kid out) but i also saw an angry , unhappy kid who needed a grown up to look after and care for her. so, i went and did it....and of course got no thanks at all. And I know this will happen again and again. They don't care that i had plans and things to do. The things that shake me up most is how constantly volatile they are (sis and mum) how angry they get, and how abusive they are-then act like it was normal.
I had to step away from two of my siblings for the whole drama reason. Can I tell you that I have a lot of peace of mind back? It finally dawned on me that there was NOTHING I could do about their behavior, reliability, etc. So, I just stopped being around it so often.
I am not sure what to say about your niece. She is not your responsibility, that is absolutely true. My first thought was for you to tell both your sister and your niece that you are not available for taxi service to school. But honestly, I do not know what I would do in that situation. I think I would probably take her, but perhaps talk with her about it. You were compassionate and loving to her and she probably needs that.
Two things about phone calls from your Mom and sister - you do not have to answer them. We do not have to be slaves to our phones. Also, you could set boundaries about the invective. Something like "I am not going to listen to your yelling at me. If you cannot just talk to me, I am hanging up." Then do it. The thing is, they will not believe you unless you do it. (Ask me how I know that, lol - I did not follow through with my assertions at first and it did not work.)
It is not okay to be yelled at and verbally abused, but sadly, some of us get used to it, and don't realize that we do not have to just take it.
Shar
I also like what Shar said ..