Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
i used to frequent the coda meetings.. but for the last 2 months ive stopped attending.. because of a shame and guilt issue.. its a simple glitch and probably people have gotten over it.. i know if i really wanted to go.. i can go back and face them.. but a part of me does not want to go back anymore.. but weekly i think abt it and feel guilty for myself that i have not gathered enough courage to go there.. that meeting surfaces so much uncomfortable feelings... and not attending makes me scared because they say there that when u dont feel loke attendings.. thats uusally when all the more u shd be attending meeting.
i attended coda also to help me cope with codependency esp i used to be engaged w an addict. now wer no longer together..
im thinking that there may be also somethibg wrong with me.. but now how can i change that.. i dont even wanna go to the mtgs..
dilemma..
i attended coda also to help me cope with codependency esp i used to be engaged w an addict. now wer no longer together..
im thinking that there may be also somethibg wrong with me.. but now how can i change that.. i dont even wanna go to the mtgs..
dilemma..
Good luck and take care of you
http://ezinearticles.com/?Should-=-Shame-&id=572494
It is not healthy to consider if you should or should not, or if we ought to or ought not, or suppose to or NOT suppose to, because these are word concepts of shame and shaming.
http://www.englishpage.com/modals/should.html
When you or I or anyone says such things as you say that = "u shd be attending meetings" - then that is loading shame onto your self.
If you do not want to go then that WANT or to "not want" is your feeling, and by saying the "should's" then you are attaching SHAME to your feeling which is a codependent dysfunction.
If you your self feel that a meeting might be helpful to you then go, or if you do not see the meeting as desirable then do not go, while the should's or ought's or "suppose to" are to be kept out of our decision making.
There is a different kind of group meeting in my own area where I made a fool out of my self years ago and I do not ever go back there, and I still today see no reason for me to accept my embarrassment and go back there - so I do not go.
If we feel shame or guilt or any feelings then that is fine and we can overcome our feelings if we want or we can accept those feelings if we want and either way must be our own choice.
It is more than just the words as it is the mental concept behind the words - should, ought, suppose to, - as they are SHAME words.
http://thistimeimeanit.com/self-talk/stop-word/
Maybe the meetings served their purpose for you and it's time to move on, without the guilt.
If I remember correctly, it deals with your sponsor's husband's gossipy nature. I think b/c you never told him how you feel, it's eating you up.
I think you should tell your sponsor you are on a break for an indefinite time and you should tell her how her husband's behavior upset you.