Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Im calling it quits for like probably the 7th time with my ex. We have been on and off for almost a year now. We only officially dated for 3 months. These past few times we hung out he treated me like his girlfriend, and took me out in public where some of our shared friends saw us. But every time I ask him if everything about what happens between us screams relationship why aren't we together? He says he just doesn't want one, plain and simple. Seems his words don't match his actions, I am confused with so little explanation and understanding. I hate feeling like I am leaving him to come back again a few months later. I feel like I don't know what Im doing, why or if i should even take myself seriously. Loneliness creeps around the corner, and Im scared of it becoming a motivator to going back to him. Im sorry if this is a lame story, I just feel very unsupported and lost.
And 7 times in a year after dating for 12 weeks? Sounds like you are a booty call to him. I'm not trying to be hurtful, but I was there, too.
I'd rather be alone and with some calm in my life than feeding the drama kitty.
Hugs.
When a person's words do not match their actions then believe the words.
As the famous saying suggest = When some one tells you that they are a jerk THEN BELIEVE THEM.
Another famous saying comes from the Bible where Jesus said = "Out of the mouth the heart speaks"
That too is very simple - when we speak our words then our words are a true reflection of what we feel inside.
Even when a person speaks a lie then that lie is how they really feel inside.
He says that he does not want the relationship with you - SO HE HAS TOLD YOU, and there is no secret hidden message that he is hiding.
You are the one who is out-of-control, and it is not him.
The best boundary line that was ever invented is simply to believe that what other people speak is what the other person feels.
You have to give up something in life to make space for something better.
Settling for less than we deserve is what codependency is all about. We don't feel we deserve more - and become broken and lose self-esteem because of how they mistreat us.
You need to CUT HIM OFF immediately! No contact! It will be hard, yes, the loneliness will be overwhelming but you can do it!
Many of us have - you must find yourself again and trust me - once you are away from him you will wonder why it took you so long. Yes, I still miss and love my ex - and I probably always will. There's nothing wrong with loving the things about him that were good - but he cannot be in my life! There are many people here on DS who understand everything you are going through. The desire to return is very normal - but you must get strength by venting and reading about the way others have gotten past this. Sending tons of love and supportive thoughts your way. I'm here for you!
As soon as you break it off in your mind and put yourself out there to enjoy the world, you will attract positive people if you project an air of self love and confidence!
Hugs.
I have been in the same situation several times.
After my divorce I got involved with several men and the pattern was the same (as you describe).
I finally got fed up and am now in a more permanent relationship.
However, I still have CoDa issues.