Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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beatingtheblues2 03/18/2017

Years ago, a therapist once off-handedly referred to my relationship with my boyfriend as co-dependent. He said something about some married couples being co-dependent, and I kind of took that as a good sign. Well, he and I are no longer a couple, but each of us has trouble making and keeping friends, so we spend a lot of time together out of lonliness. He is twice-divorced. I've never been married. Neither of us is a substance-abuser. My mother was an alcoholic while I was growing up, but she quit drinking when I was a young adult. My father died young, so my mother did keep me close. I do have a tendency to latch onto people, and then invariably it seems that they tire of me. Does any of this sound like co-dependency? Am I in the right place? (I've looked at the checklists -- I can see some of his traits in the controlling and self-esteem areas, and I know I have low self-esteem, but I can't say that either of us is necessarily a textbook co-dependent. Thanks in advance for any of your thoughts.)

salina 03/18/2017

Hi ,welcome to the group, you don't have to meet every criteria to be codependent some people are mildly codependent and it doesn't effect their life as much and they can lead a relatively 'normal life ' a big factor of codependency is being unable to maintain .healthy relationships .

beatingtheblues2 03/18/2017

Salina, thank you for the welcome and for the clarification. I appreciate it. :)

mirandac 03/18/2017

Codependents are all a little different. I did
Not even know i was still a codie until i could
not Detach from my ex.

Codependents are created by dysfunctional And/
or abusive homes. The child developmental Needs
were not met, There was no healthy modeling On how
to be and how to act from their own parents.

Most Often There was addictions, MH issues, work
addicted, Religiously addicted. The parent was just
not there for The child to teach them anything.

Anything ring a bell?

beatingtheblues2 03/19/2017

Mirandac, thank you for responding. I've heard a lot of this before, and here's the thing: I was the youngest child, and if anything, I was spoiled emotionally (ask my siblings!). Naturally things weren't perfect with my dad gone and my mom drinking, but my grandma helped out with day-to-day and emotional stuff immensely -- she was our second mother, and our mother was not completely out of commission -- she worked and provided us with a good home and good values, etc. She herself would probably have been labeled "codependent" if that term had existed 45 years ago, but that's more due to the time period she grew up in -- she moved out of her parents' home only when she got married. Although she spent much more time with her mom growing up (because my grandpa was fortunate enough to have a good job throughout the Depression, and he worked long hours), she idolized my grandpa -- again, I think this was the "Father Knows Best" mentality at that time -- not that she didn't love my grandma! Then she married my dad, and he became the head of the household. When she lost him (and my grandpa had died a few years earlier), she was bereft. If my grandma hadn't been around, things would have been a whole lot worse, I'm sure. I shun alcohol because of memories of her drinking. (Neither of my grandparents had any addictions.) But I did learn to try and hold on to something that wasn't there, as when she was mourning my father for years and years.

So, in short, there was a definite addiction in the house, but I feel like my needs were met pretty well, all things considered. And my siblings (male and female) are all much more independent than I.

I feel like I've been rambling. I'm just trying to sort through all of this... Again, thank you for your input.

mirandac 03/19/2017

Here's a great list of youtube videos,
from bradshaw He certainly explains
things much better On the family.

Professor john Bradshaw
___________________________________
https://youtu.be/KnMuEX9zuEk
Healing the shame that binds you 1 video

https://youtu.be/sA6lzF8G-zY
Shame and addiction 1 video

https://youtu.be/HL-J2H3Jmes
Codependency 3 long videos

https://youtu.be/UmXGV65fRfs
10 long inner child videos

https://youtu.be/bClMK5rNBSc
4 short video

https://youtu.be/9PjAXINemG4
This is 10 short videos on the family

https://youtu.be/QPRMaWHdIgA
10 short videos homecoming series

https://youtu.be/Bss2JonKkyg
Self love 1 video

https://youtu.be/V3XbX8gSBck
Mystified love 1 video

https://youtu.be/Ea8h80SPAEk
Parental love 1 video

https://youtu.be/Bss2JonKkyg
Friendship 1 video

https://youtu.be/x2q21Yf7xdQ
Spousal love 1 video

https://youtu.be/Sv7ic-b6-io
Creating love 4 videos

https://youtu.be/uzPow7FEr-4
Soulfulness 1 long video

https://youtu.be/zcfzjmIPKd0
1 long video Persecuted family

https://youtu.be/RFMj2vVwERc
1 long video love of God
_____________________________________
Pia Mellody

https://youtu.be/OnQ5zLCKSJs
3 part videos on shame

https://youtu.be/NYaOszny9kU
1 long video codependence

https://youtu.be/FsryQsDtA-g
1 long video self esteem

https://youtu.be/7bk_SG2QD4E
1 long video boundaries

https://youtu.be/C8YT_VmbxbA
1 short part 2 sexual boundaries

https://youtu.be/DorV2Og0e00
1 long video human relationships

beatingtheblues2 03/19/2017

Thank you!!

mirandac 03/19/2017

Your welcome, there is just so much to learn for Us to
Be able to find our own way to recovery so we can heal,
grow and move forward.

I have Been in alanon since 2012 and barely scratching
the Surface. I find change and growing are slow for me,
everything is a process. One thing begets Another thing.
They liken it to the peeling of an onion.

Relationships are where codependency shows up the most,
To have a healthy one, we need self love and good healthy
Boundaries in place already, HUGS

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