Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
going to start ananon meetings. face to face these are the only 12 step programs in the area. realizing that i need this. i am staying strong and against him coming home. so he is at my neices less than a mile from me sleeping on their couch and drinking and sleeping and then repeating it. he is so sad and such an emotional leach that i cant stand it. got to get a loan and pay him to get out and be done with this. his daughter was probably overwhelmed with him and so he left and went to my nieces. worked with his daughter today and we did not mention it and she seemed ok with me. i know that i cant base my survival on what other think but i think she feels my pain and is not mad at me. i have been so code with him as he deteriorated and i did also. cant let him back in as it would destroy me. have to go though the pain and come out better. my friends at work said if you think about letting him come back talk to us. i have done this so many times that its just sad. have said so many times that i am done with this guy or another and involved so many and then caved. i dont want to do this anymore. i want ot know that i finally did what was best for myself and took care of me and not another addict. he is so able to make others feel sorrry for him and want to help him. i am ready to let someone that is healthy help me and sponsor me and just cry in the arns of another.
If his daughter can't put up with him living with her either then I am sure she understands where you are coming from, not that it matters either way. All we can do is what is right for us, and that is what you have done. In my mind, we can either be codependent and have everyone think 'good' things about us, or we can rally against codependence and run the risk of some people being a bit cranky with us- I don't think we can have it both ways; that is, we can't break out of our codie behaviour AND still have everyone always think 'good' things about us. If we do what is right for us, then chances are that someone is going to be cranky with us and that is ok, they are all entitled to their reactions and opinions and we have to learn to let them have their reactions and opinions and try not to control them. Hmph, again, more reminders for me here and I really need to take my own advice :)
Although I know there is a great deal of pain involved in this decision, I am so glad to hear that he is no longer living there. I know what it is like to dread going home and it is no way to live, we ourselves get sick living with the stress of that kind of home environment for an extended period. Home should be your safe place.
I hope you find the Al-anon meetings helpful. I have learnt a lot from them myself and it has been great to have a new network of supportive people who are also on the recovery path. It has been nice to be around people who encourage recovery and all that it encompasses instead of trying to do whatever they can to draw me back into the dysfunction.
Another big hug to you and take care :)