Will need more information for one. Was he abusive and do you feel ok after spending time with him or stressed? I am in similar situation and I stay in contact with him but limited and boundaries are up. We were friends before we had a 12 year relationship and I just as u say cant imagine not speaking to him ever. its complicated for sure

Thanks Sassybabe: I have written all about our relationship on here before. No he is was not abusive. he always has said I am who I am and you i don't think I will change. Well he is correct and I am learning I cannot change somebody. He and I both quit drinking together 5 yrs ago. He is a very kind man but has ADHD and I believe some mental issues. We have nothing in common and doesn't care about anything except sitting around and playing video games. After we quit drinking I became very active and don't sit still (which I'm working on). He didn't want to do anything ever. He relied on me alot to fix his problems and take care of his finances etc. I don't feel stressed after spending time with him but I think I feel that it's not right......kinda like leading him on a bit?? I am the one who contacts. If he had his way he would be back in a second. We have tried so many times and I just know the relationship will not work but if friends is possible....maybe. Can you please let me know what kind of boundaries you have set? I agree its so complicated and I am trying to wrap my head around the whole thing. Thanks for reading. :)

Your goal is to end the relationship. Cold turkey doesn't always work. It is not for me to judge. Maybe you'd make better friends then lovers. Again I don't have all the info either. I'm not sure seeing him alone at his place OR yours is the greatest idea though. Guys have more lively libidos then women generally. So you just might be setting yourself up to be trapped should he suggest sex. A more nuetral place with people around may be better depending on how you feel about him sexually. As for everybody else they don't have to know you have seen him two times. You are an adult. You make your choices and live with the concequences of your choices. This may be something to think about the next time you go to see him or contemplate it.
As I have learned misery comes by means of the senses. For example, we know that celibacy is no way esteemed in our culture. That being part of a couple is where it is at. We are bombarded with these messages constantly (ears) We see presummably happy couples everywhere which seem to confirm what our ears hear. and are furthermore convinced that what we have heard is right. (Eyes) And it is natural that we don't want to be alone. We want to be held, hugged etcetra. It feels good after all. (touch) So we have all this info on why being part of a couple is COOL and why being celibate is not. Doesn't mean they have it all down correctly. Ask somebody trapped in a relationship for THEIR view on the scenario above. The feedback won't be the same. So why be a follower because everybody else is? Just some food for thought. But depending on emotional variables you might be better seeing him in a public place next time. Take what helps and leave the rest. :)

I think the fact that you did not tell others you saw him means you know deep down it's not a good idea.

I think you have been trying to silence your inner voice. Listen to her. Seeing him is impeding your recovery.

Hugs.

Hi luvthtsun.
I think that I agree with DeliAnnem here.

The way that you wrote your message (e.g., "I know for both our sakes I should not see him," "[I] know deep down this is still not healthy," "I think I need a little push," etc.) indicates that you already know what the right answer is for yourself in this situation. Celebrate that the right choice is already clear for you. It can feel scary, and I understand that it feels scary, but that doesn't mean that it's wrong. Put some distance between you two, not because your online friends tell you to do it, but because you've already told yourself.

Good luck to you.

Yes I have to agree with Deli and Holborn. I know the right thing to do is not contact. It is so hard though. I know it will never work out and we can never get back together and I also know I need to let him move on and let myself get to know myself. I hate how hard it is! I hope I can get my s**t together and this relationship once and for all. I just went and picked up a book to read tonight. I will start there. :(


Thanks for everybody's comments. This site is always so helpful.